There was a day in 1991, when I saw exactly what I thought I wanted and I prayed and prayed... and 18 years later, God answered my prayer with a resounding YES!
Some dreams take a moment to manifest, instant karma, while other dreams take years. This is the story of the farm.
When I grew up on our little farm in the ever emerging suburbs of St Charles County in Missouri, I wanted to be "normal" or what I perceived to be normal through my experiences & my mothers expectations. I dreamed of living in a neighborhood with pretty houses, modern conveniences and friendly neighbors. So, I left home and made that happen! After living in a townhouse in St Charles city, I got married & pregnant with Jewlia and finally got my house in the suburbs and man, did I learn quickly how crowded I felt. By that point, the little farm I grew up on had become a subdivision that I could not afford and our little farmhouse home was no longer.
So began my quest for "Home".
I knew then that I needed to get back to a simpler farm life and I began searching for the perfect farm. I actually believed I found it outside of Owensville, Missouri.
It was 1992 and I was in the first trimester of my second pregnancy when I learned of this 400 acre farm for sale complete with a beautiful old 2 story farmhouse, a 3 bedroom ranch, several barns, a horse arena and 200 cattle. It was perfect for us!
I brought my Dad and asked him to invest in this beautiful piece of the world and I prayed & prayed obsessively, for God to give me this farm so that I could feel HOME again. Dad said "no" and I took it, at the time that God said, "no", also. I was heartbroken and from that point on, I began my journey HOME.
First thing I did was sold my suburban home for a country house with 3 acres of nothing in a subdivision in Troy, Missouri. After a year, life changed, I divorced and Jewlia & I moved back to Suburbia to have a normal life and be close to my parents.
The nice thing about our little house on Winterwood was that we lived next door to Laura, who was a bright light in my life, this is the home we brought Max home to AND we felt safe there. I had no reason to feel unsafe. I was just struggling to survive in a world that I did not understand or really belong in.
Then I met Albert and everything changed again. I got pregnant, AJ died, we got married and Al moved us to Hazelwood, to be close to his work. There are so many stories just off of this one sentence. I was emotionally and physically ill for much of the time in Hazelwood, but there are good memories. We made good friends, had many laughs and good family times around the pool... Then there was the dark side to those years of torment; the physical & emotional abuse and alcoholism, which all ended when Albert pulled that trigger.
"Safe" is a word that I am having to re-learn.
I had not felt safe in years and I had forgotten what it felt like.
Before Albert, when I was pregnant with Max in 96, I had the "Dave" dream (experience) and even though Albert said he was my Dave, I knew MY Dave would never, ever hurt me. So, on went my quest for both "Dave" and "Home". Little did I know, in a small, rural Ozark town, both were waiting for me to get here, but I did know to follow Gods voice.
The next 3 years were a crazy mix of emotional joy and emotional devastation. I was a train wreck and I couldn't let anyone see that. I had finally accepted that I would never be, "normal" and no longer wanted to try. I was exhausted and stressed and ill. It was time for IT to happen.
I made a vision board and began working with God to create my life. On my vision board, there was a cabin, a 2 story white house in the mountains, my Divine Twin Flame, Dave (name) and a deposit slip made out for 3.1 million dollars, along with words like peace & love. Then my doctor gave me a prescription that says, "Change your lifestyle", which I hung up next to the vision board. I looked at this vision board every day and began surrendering the "how-to's" to God and made a conscious decision to go with my own instincts... I allowed God to lead the way.
From that point everything happened so fast... We packed up, bought the cafe, complete with mountain cabin and 10 acres of rolling hills.
Enter MY Dave. Every day, for months, Dave came into the cafe' and brought his cheer and love to my life, however, I was not in the market for a boyfriend and especially not another Dave (referencing the 2008, 3 month, "Oops, I'm crazy" "marriage"/divorce), but it happened…. God had finally brought us together and me home.
This morning, sitting on the porch of our beautiful white, 2 story farmhouse, looking at the cattle & dogs, surrounded by the deep love of this farm, next to this man of my dreams, I realized that in 1992, when Dad said no, God didn't say "no"... God simply said, "Wait! I have something better than you can even imagine for you."
God IS good ALL the time... even when we don't notice IT working for us, IT is already ahead of us, preparing the way. With divine gratitude, I say a simple, "Thank You" to the Universe that loves me so much that IT makes all of my dreams come true! LOVE & SAGE!
