Where is God in All of This?

All day, every day, I find myself thinking about God.. Wondering what miracles will I see and who’s light will teach me the new lessons I am intended to learn. Who are my teachers and who are my students? What about God & the Economy and Politics? Where is God in all of this? Really, the age old question… What am I doing here?
What are WE doing here and Where is God in all of this human “mess”?
When I hear the propaganda & media about what is going wrong in our world, I have to feel for the beauty in the situation. I have to know, with my faith, that God is working ALL for good and believe this truth, thru the appearance of world wars and poverty, pain & suffering, darkness and sorrow. I see the light.
Thru all of this “mess” we, as humans have created, the light of consciousness continues to grow. “God” continues to inspire. We, as human spirits, continue to inspire and grow as an evolved species of the 21st century. We have been lured thru the “evils” of media marketing & politics of money, being mislead by greed. We have also been enlightened by some spirit of LOVE and Light, call It Jesus, God, Holy Spirit, Ala, Buddah, George, the Universe, Love, Peace… WHATEVER… It is the power of good. The All Powerful, Omnipresent power of Divine Consciousness. The oneness that we all share thru our thoughts, prayers & meditations. That mystical, natural divine place of Real LOVE… PURE LOVE.. Love for one another. Let’s go to a place where we feel safe. A place beyond this earthly human place… Let’s go to the place where the Trees whisper. A place in time where nothing had tainted you or ever put fear into your vocabulary. I am in a timeline where we raise our children, free from even the fear of violence. A peaceful world where each living being is safe and free to live and love. I believe that this is what “God” wants for us, as well. In order to create this peaceful, safe, loving place, I believe, is to let go of the old ways of thinking that have not worked for us, as human beings. Let’s finally begin behaving in the ways that Jesus, himself taught us and continues to teach us thru various modalities, including media.
How do we take the teachings of PEACE & LOVE and use the 21st century technology to raise consciousness of humans worldwide?
Also, let’s get away from the confines of religion or culture and all ourselves to connect directly to our Source. Thru the wars and violence, I have to know that “God” is the force of LOVE & LIGHT and that whatever fuels the dark forces, is all part of God’s divine, mysterious ways. Light will always illuminate the darkness. That is a fact. Whether you believe in the “old guy in the sky” God or the compassionate divine universal life source, Ala, Buddah, Jesus or Mohamed, the one thing is LOVE. The one universal language of kindness, compassion, respect.
As we go to our places of worship or meditation, that feeling of connectedness and unconditional love with the Mighty Creator. Now that we have our minds open to our safe place of wholeness & oneness with our divine being of choice, ask It… Ask God what He/She/It feels about war or violence. Ask God what can you do to make the world a better place for all and allow God to answer… “Peace is the only way. Love your neighbor, as yourself. Thou shalt not kill. Be excellent to each other & Party on, Dudes!!” That is what God says to me. LOL
We live in a society that is controlled by fear mongers and that is coming to an end. Generation X is gaining ground on the Baby Boomers and we are Lightworkers. Starseeds. We are the Generation of Peace. Our children, Millennia Generation, are here, along with us to save the planet and humankind. We have taught our children not to judge people and not to discriminate… We have been less harsh & more loving than the generations before us. We have given our children our unconditional love and they are a brighter, more creative, confident generation of people. They know what they have to face in the future and they are ready to take it on for peace. This is where God is.
God is in all of this, from the White House to the Kremlin to the Vatican. God is in our schools and homes and all of the empty or busy space in between. God is watching over us and guiding us to a place of peace that we, as human beings can and are achieving! God is in you & me and the spirits of those before us and generations after us. God is the lonely old lady at the grocery store that wants to strike up a conversation in the packaged dinner aisle. God is the Mom, struggling to pay her bills and keep a roof over their heads, while working to be able to have health insurance for her family. God is the hungry child. God is each of us, ALL of us. Reminding you of who you are.
We have been conditioned, as a society, to accept violence and greed as a social norm. There is something seriously wrong with this. What do you think is fueling this fire? Down here in the Ozarks, they call it the devil. What I do know, is that in my experience with dark is that light will always prevail. For every evil “sin” or malicious action, karma is always in flowing and light will come of it tenfold. God is in all of it. God is all of it. The wars that are going on today, will become obsolete. We are walking thru prophecies from thousands of years ago. Where are we headed? Go beyond what you think you already know and allow yourself to dig deep and find your soul… The very essence of YOU. Your spirit. That You that is an eternal being. Most people that I know would agree with the statement that we are spiritual beings. That spirit is what connects us with each other & with the universal flow of God’s goodness. It’s all energy. WE are all energy, flowing with complete perfection of God’s divine knowledge and creativity. We each have the “Christ Light” that unites us with the Divine Entity. God’s flow. So when you look at me, what do you see? Do you see me (and perhaps even judge me) as a human or do you see me in my light? It doesn’t matter how I present myself as much as it does for you to be open to see my Christ light. When I look at you, I can see that you are God’s blessing to the world and I choose to honor your spirit, because in doing so, I am honoring God. I am able to love everyone unconditionally because of God & my traditional Christian Jesus education. What I get out of it is that Jesus was (and spiritually still is) here to teach us and in living in accordance to his teachings, I understand that God is ALL about LOVE. Divine, Perfect, True LOVE.
Because God LOVES me that much, I can (and choose to) LOVE you that much. It’s simple, really.
I don’t know if we are in fact, in end times. I do feel a huge shift in the energies of the world. I know that in what appears to be the ultimate Good vs Evil scenario, that there is a war going on for our souls and it has infiltrated nearly every aspect of our society. It is in the churches as well as the mid East. It is in the violence that we are continually subjected to on the media. I know people who go to church religiously then watch CSI on the television. Do you see what a contrast this is? The dark is an energy vampire. It sucks your spirit & tells your brain that it’s ok to see morbid, violence, and it becomes a social norm. We are so conditioned to hearing the violence and abusive, deceptive dialogue that we many times forget our true nature of being loving beings. Through it all, God is there, reminding us that we are creatures of love and peace. We have to begin with loving and honoring our own selves enough to stop allowing garbage into our brains… It clogs up our spiritual highway to our soul. Turn off your TV & media and tune into God. Pray, Meditate, Love. Listen to Gods answers to your questions. God speaks to each of us in a language that we understand. It’s also called intuition. That is your “gut” (or as I call it “Ba”). It is the pulling of consciousness, guiding you with the universal language of love & righteousness.
God is where you are, in every cell of your being, allowing your free will to guide you through your human/spiritual experience. Open up to consciousness and live your life as if the world might shift tomorrow and everything you thought you knew, was askew… The new dawn is coming and Light will prevail throughout the Universe, as always. God is good ALL the time. We are heading for World Peace…
We are teaching each other tolerance and respect. We are learning compassion and peace. Humanity is young and continues to evolve on a spiritual level… “God” continues to be omnipresent.
In a society where we are inundated with media, please remember God. Remember that we are all woven from the same thread, Christians, Muslims, Jews, white, black, male, female, fat or thin. God is the very spirit that indwells within us… The good guy voice that always tells your heart that we are connected, as humans and as spiritual beings. We are the Light of the universe and it does begin with “ME”… Be the change you want to see. Look at the person next to you… This is your brother, your sister, Your Mother, your Father, your son, your daughter. Look in their eyes… This is the face of God and deserves that much respect. God is here.
God is that LOVE that binds us in humanity, together thru collective consciousness or prayer. So, Be excellent to each other and party on, Dudes!!

Still on My Journey

David said something interesting to me last night. He told me that he has never known anyone who thought about their feelings & analyzed their emotions like I do. This is a new thought. Wow... what if they don't. I guess I made the assumption that everyone analyzes their emotions & feelings. If they don't, then how do they know to release the ones that do not work for them any longer? I analyze every feeling & emotion, so that I know that for one thing, I need to figure out if it is an emotion (which can be decieving) or a feeling, which is my basic intuition. THEN, I have to figure out if it is in fact, MY feeling or someone else's feeling that I am manifesting. If it is someone elses energy that has attached itself to me, I can choose to release it. Before I do that, I have to try to figure out how I manifested that so that I do not repeat or repeat that action/thought, whatever brought that to be.
Thoughts are a completely different thing.... Thoughts can become things...and quickly. There is Instant Demonstrations, where you think it & **POOF** it becomes real. Then there are the desires of your heart that you bring to reality. These thoughts take longer to manifest, but are complete in their own perfection. The perfection that co-creating with the Universe can only deliver. Dancing with God.
So, each thought in itself is analyzed & the good ones I keep & the thoughts that do not serve me, I try to think the desired outcome of that particular scenario & play it out in my head in the affirmative light. I do this because I know that "Thoughts become things". I also know that what you focus your thoughts & energy on will manifest into your reality. These are fact. Universal Laws. Knowing this truth, I do spend a lot of time focusing my energy analyzing my thoughts, because my mind is fairly undisciplined. It is random, so I like to find where the thought originated and retrain my thought process. Doesn't everyone do that? LOL
So, knowing that I have the power of "God" with me as a constant, I like to be mindful of what I am putting out into the Universe, by way of thought. Now action is a completely different thing. Thought sometimes requires action to fully manifest. Then I have to decide which action to take to manifest the desired outcome of the specific thought or train of thought, whichever the case may be... Some things "feel" good to me & some things do not. So then I have to go into analyzing my "feelings"... Is it a feeling or emotion? If it is an emotion, what thought brought it to the surface and is it a positive emotion or a negative emotion? If it is not positive, I know it no longer serves me, so I want to find the origin of that emotion and heal it. Release it. If it is a positive emotion, then I know it is good & I allow myself to embrace it.
Now, feelings... If it is not an emotion causing the feeling, then when did this feeling begin & what were the circumstances around it? If it is a feeling that I can trace back to another person, I release it immediately. If the feeling is genuinely mine, then what is it telling me? It is God talking to me, at that point and it becomes my job to understand what my feeling is saying and act accordingly.
So, this is what gets me from idea to action... Doesn't everyone analyze their thoughts obsessively? HHHmmm.... Maybe this is one of those things that makes me "special".... or crazy... LOVE!!!

Seeing IT again for the FIRST time

There was a day in 1991, when I saw exactly what I thought I wanted and I prayed and prayed... and 18 years later, God answered my prayer with a resounding YES!
Some dreams take a moment to manifest, instant karma, while other dreams take years. This is the story of the farm.
When I grew up on our little farm in the ever emerging suburbs of St Charles County in Missouri, I wanted to be "normal" or what I perceived to be normal through my experiences & my mothers expectations. I dreamed of living in a neighborhood with pretty houses, modern conveniences and friendly neighbors. So, I left home and made that happen! After living in a townhouse in St Charles city, I got married & pregnant with Jewlia and finally got my house in the suburbs and man, did I learn quickly how crowded I felt. By that point, the little farm I grew up on had become a subdivision that I could not afford and our little farmhouse home was no longer.
So began my quest for "Home".
I knew then that I needed to get back to a simpler farm life and I began searching for the perfect farm. I actually believed I found it outside of Owensville, Missouri.
It was 1992 and I was in the first trimester of my second pregnancy when I learned of this 400 acre farm for sale complete with a beautiful old 2 story farmhouse, a 3 bedroom ranch, several barns, a horse arena and 200 cattle. It was perfect for us!
I brought my Dad and asked him to invest in this beautiful piece of the world and I prayed & prayed obsessively, for God to give me this farm so that I could feel HOME again. Dad said "no" and I took it, at the time that God said, "no", also. I was heartbroken and from that point on, I began my journey HOME.
First thing I did was sold my suburban home for a country house with 3 acres of nothing in a subdivision in Troy, Missouri. After a year, life changed, I divorced and Jewlia & I moved back to Suburbia to have a normal life and be close to my parents.
The nice thing about our little house on Winterwood was that we lived next door to Laura, who was a bright light in my life, this is the home we brought Max home to AND we felt safe there. I had no reason to feel unsafe. I was just struggling to survive in a world that I did not understand or really belong in.
Then I met Albert and everything changed again. I got pregnant, AJ died, we got married and Al moved us to Hazelwood, to be close to his work. There are so many stories just off of this one sentence. I was emotionally and physically ill for much of the time in Hazelwood, but there are good memories. We made good friends, had many laughs and good family times around the pool... Then there was the dark side to those years of torment; the physical & emotional abuse and alcoholism, which all ended when Albert pulled that trigger.
"Safe" is a word that I am having to re-learn.
I had not felt safe in years and I had forgotten what it felt like.
Before Albert, when I was pregnant with Max in 96, I had the "Dave" dream (experience) and even though Albert said he was my Dave, I knew MY Dave would never, ever hurt me. So, on went my quest for both "Dave" and "Home". Little did I know, in a small, rural Ozark town, both were waiting for me to get here, but I did know to follow Gods voice.
The next 3 years were a crazy mix of emotional joy and emotional devastation. I was a train wreck and I couldn't let anyone see that. I had finally accepted that I would never be, "normal" and no longer wanted to try. I was exhausted and stressed and ill. It was time for IT to happen.
I made a vision board and began working with God to create my life. On my vision board, there was a cabin, a 2 story white house in the mountains, my Divine Twin Flame, Dave (name) and a deposit slip made out for 3.1 million dollars, along with words like peace & love. Then my doctor gave me a prescription that says, "Change your lifestyle", which I hung up next to the vision board. I looked at this vision board every day and began surrendering the "how-to's" to God and made a conscious decision to go with my own instincts... I allowed God to lead the way.
From that point everything happened so fast... We packed up, bought the cafe, complete with mountain cabin and 10 acres of rolling hills.
Enter MY Dave. Every day, for months, Dave came into the cafe' and brought his cheer and love to my life, however, I was not in the market for a boyfriend and especially not another Dave (referencing the 2008, 3 month, "Oops, I'm crazy" "marriage"/divorce), but it happened…. God had finally brought us together and me home.
This morning, sitting on the porch of our beautiful white, 2 story farmhouse, looking at the cattle & dogs, surrounded by the deep love of this farm, next to this man of my dreams, I realized that in 1992, when Dad said no, God didn't say "no"... God simply said, "Wait! I have something better than you can even imagine for you."
God IS good ALL the time... even when we don't notice IT working for us, IT is already ahead of us, preparing the way. With divine gratitude, I say a simple, "Thank You" to the Universe that loves me so much that IT makes all of my dreams come true! LOVE & SAGE!

Bon Jovi Still Rocks!

"Have A Nice Day"

Why, you wanna tell me how to live my life?
Who, are you to tell me if it's black or white?
Mama, can you hear me? Try to understand.
Is innocence the difference between a boy and a man.
My daddy lived the lie, it's just the price that he paid.
Sacrificed his life, just slavin' away.

Ohhh, if there's one thing I hang onto,
That gets me through the night.
I ain't gonna do what I don't want to,
I'm gonna live my life.
Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice,
Standing on the ledge, I show the wind how to fly.
When the world gets in my face,
I say, Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day

Take a look around you; nothing's what it seems
We're living in the broken home of hopes and dreams,
Let me be the first to shake a helping hand.
Anybody brave enough to take a stand,
I've knocked on every door, on every dead end street,
Looking for forgiveness,
what's left to believe?

Ohhh, if there's one thing I hang onto,
That gets me through the night.
I ain't gonna do what I don't want to,
I'm gonna live my life.
Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice,
Standing on the ledge, I show the wind how to fly.
When the world gets in my face,
I say, Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day.

[Guitar Solo]

Ohhh, if there's one thing I hang onto,
That gets me through the night.
I ain't gonna do what I don't want to,
I'm gonna live my life.
Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice,
Standing on the ledge, I show the wind how to fly.
When the world gets in my face,
I say, Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day.

When The world keeps trying, to drag me down,
I've gotta raise my hands, gonna stand my ground.
Well I say, Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day
Have A Nice Day

Blogging by Candlelight...

There is so much mind chatter for 3 am, so I think I'll pick a topic & blog...
HHHmmm.. Let's randomly pick a topic.... How about a quote I got in my inbox just now...

You cannot worry about someone and love them at the same time. Most people mistake the emotion of worry for the emotion of love. They think that worrying about somebody means that you love them. -Abraham/Hicks

This brings to mind, Jewlia/Julia... My beautiful, precious little girl... She's still a little pink bundle of joy at almost 19. It's hard for me to imagine that I watched this kid grow up from a helpless infant to a strong, independent, free thinking, amazing, brilliant young woman that she is. Hard to believe, considering I still feel 17. I was 23 when God, myself & Dr. Odem created Jewlia from a frozen spermcicle into this little spunky redhead! I always knew, from the time I was a kid, that I would have Jewlia. I spent my whole childhood playing house with her and Mommy to her in my soul. Creating her from my heart.. It's like we have always been together.

I feel tears start to well up, just this moment... Tears of pride and love for this spirit of light that has brought me so much happiness in my life. The part of me that I needed so much to express. Having Jewlia was kind of a selfish thing, really... I needed someone to love me and Jewlia does. There is never any doubt in my mind that she & I are bound through eternity. Soul mates we are. I have always seen it something like that, but when she said it, it resonated. It made sense... Finally, something in my life made sense. The funny thing about Motherhood, is that is what what I was supposed to do. It had been my lifes work to raise her & Max. Now that we are at this place in our relationship that is new & unfamiliar to both of us, I wonder what next? How do I "let go" of her and allow her to become the brilliant young person she is growing into? I think in so many ways, her independence has made my job easier. When Jewlia's around, she's the boss. She is a "Take Charge", "On the Ball" kind of gal. She has got brass balls and a heart of gold. She acts like a mini-ME & yes, that does concern me. I mean, really... she looks like me, but healthier and prettier. The first time I saw Jewlia laying in bed, smoking a cigarette, watching Y & R, I thought, "There's a picture"... "Cats in the Cradle"...
"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree"... All I can say is I hope she learns from my experiences and doesn't have to go through all of the craziness I have gone through. Oh... too late... she has already experienced all of the crazy I have been through. So, in order for there to be "Peace in my family", which is always my prayer, I have to allow her to find her own path. How that includes me, I have no idea. But, it's not about me, is it? It's about Jewlia.

Being my kid has been, let's say, unconventional. I tried the "normal" mom thing and I believe we both outgrew it. I was almost convinced that we were "normal" for awhile... However, I have always known that we were here for greatness. That we are here as Spiritual Beings to bring peace & harmony to the earth and humanity. We are lightworkers. 21st Century angels, here to bring joy & harmony to the planet. I know this truth for myself as well as Jewlia & Max. There is a divine purpose to every life and ours is no exception. We are here to learn & grow, teach & demonstrate peace. We are here to inpire and to feel inspired. Jewlia inspires me every day.

Now, here comes the tricky part... Allowing Jewlia to be free to feel & create her own experiences. This is a big task, feeling larger than "let go & let God". Then again... nothing is larger than God (however you concieve this power). So, standing back & allowing Jewlia to be is like the hardest thing I have to do. I know in the human experience, she is struggling right now. She is feeling instable in the world with due cause. The human stuff can be big & scary, especially when you're a wide eyed kid. There is sooo much out there... a whole world of experiences and things can change on a dime. Life is so fluid and you are creating as you go... It's learning how to harness that power; that energy, and keeping yourself positive in a world that can feel negative. It's about doing what feels right to you and good and helping your fellow travelers.

Oh but that's not all... There is the whole happiness thing. More than anything, I want Jewlia to be happy again. She doesn't remember so much being happy. I remember happy Jewlia. It was before I put her into the public education system, where they taught her "normal" and about peer pressure and social issues. So, let's get back to the task at hand, Jewlia being happy. I see Jewlia in this light of happiness. She is confident and secure in her footing. She is strong and passionate, light and funny. She got an amazing human body to live in and she sees the world thru her own eyes. She has been my masterpiece and now she is becoming her own.

What the future holds for any of us can be anyones guess. What I do know is that when you create your life thru your blessings & gratitude, your life your dreams, your goals come together. The key is to stay in the light, but know that even when you are in darkness, the light is always there. Sometimes it's a matter of opening your eys to the light, but it shines thru the blackest of moments. You remember 9/11 and all of the love energy that followed it? Every time something "terrible" happens, the spirit of man shines thru into every aspect oof the "problem", you simply have to open your heart to it. Trust in the Divine process, whatever that is. Know, with confidence that we need some "bad" for contrast to recognize & appreciate our good. We must know what good feels like to demoonstrate more of it. I can not vreate happiness for either Jewlia or Max, or anyone else for that matter, just likfe I can not create unhappiness for them or anyone. It is Jewlias experience and I have to allow her to feel her own feelings and create her own experiences and all I can do at this point is help her where I can and cheer her on from the sidelines. I do not have a magic wand to make the human experience easier, but I do know the secret. I understand the "law of attraction" and how to create happiness for myself and I also understand that I can only use it on myself. I have to allow Jewlia to wake up to hers. Actually, she is waking up to hers with or without me allowing. All I can do for ehr at this point is pray and serve. Give her all of the love and compassion I can and know that she is surrounded by angels and they are far more powerful than the zombies who try to invade her bubble. Since I know this, I will give no energy to the zombies, as they only have the power that we give them. I am giving my love energy to Jewlia, knowing that she is protected by her angle guides (in many dimensions, including ours) and I trust with complete faith and certaintly that Jewlia is exactly where she is supposed to be on her journey and that she is being guided by the divine power of light & love.

Jewlia is a part of me, however, Jewlia is a part of consciousness too and she realizes this on some level. The trick is to hold consciousness of truth for her and not to worry or have negative/controlling/worried energy around her. I accept her path, however that unfolds as only adding to her grater good, while reminding her of the 3 "A''s...

Alive

Awake

Aware

Jewlia is just coming alive and awake and aware. I support this and know that only love can touch Jewlia. Anything outside of love is simply an illusion of the truth. I will continue forever to hold Jewlia in her light & truth, knowing that whtever she does, will only bring her joy & happiness and that she is equipped with an intuitive nature and enough of everything she needs to be peaceful and happy. I live in gratitude for this healthy, beautiful woman that has shared this journey with me, knowing that she is divinely guided and protected. Jewlia is safe in the universe and nothing can penetrate her bubble of light. With that, I release my words into law, knowing that as I let go and let it be... It is already done. And so it is....

Do you really not get it?

Once again, my principles get in my way. Please excuse me if I sound PISSED OFF, however as much of a spiritual being as I am I am capable of human emotions and PO'd is the best description for the feelings I am having now. So, as I go into this, please understand that I am not coming from my happy place. As a matter of fact, I am coming from my peaceful place. I am peaceful and I know with clear certainty that we ARE ALREADY creating world peace. I see it unfolding everyday. This began with that beautiful, free generation of hippies that I admire so much. Free spirit love. Now we are in the 21st century! All of those seeds that were planted are now blossoming every day, all over the world. Just look around. See the generations of people who have been taught love & acceptance. Now we are in a new age. We are evolving into our authentic selves. We are aware of our oneness with each other and our living earth and beyond.
As we move forward toward our goal of world peace, first we must teach peace at home. Compassionate communication. Non-violence. Using our minds and strengths to work together creating harmony in a world that so needs it. Reaching out to those who are down, lending a hand to a neighbor or even just giving a smile & a kind word. Kind of living our life the way all of the great master teachers have lived and shared with us. Love is the answer. Kindness means something.
If you know me, you know that violence against another living thing is not only not ok with me, it repulses me. Teaching our kids vilence thru pain and power. Discipline. Respectfulness.
Are you freaking kidding me? For any adult to touch my child (or ANY child) with the intent to cause them pain in the 21st century, knowing what we know, is as barbarak as teaching them hate and teaching them war. Really? Is this the world I accept as my own? No.
So for the people of this world who think that they can bully a kid or anyone else by being physically aggressive and emotionally cruel, I hope your whole generation of inbread, monkey faced, closed minded, bullying, mean, spiteful, fearful, ass holes evaporates into the nothingness that you are to me, so that the Lightworkers of the Universe can get on with our jobs of being peaceful, non-violent spirits of light. We will have world peace when you get out of our way or join us. Why work against the flow of harmony? Why teach kids ugliness & hate when we can create love and harmony? It's that freakin simple.
Please google the terms non-violent communication & compassionate communication. Educate yourself. Care. It's your future and the future of our species and our world... peace.

I must be manic... I feel sooo GOOD!

It is funny to me how I have to analyze my moods... Actually, I don't have to... I am obsessed with it. I live in my feelings. For the past few days, completely unmedicated, I feel really good. I believe that all of those hours I spent, locked in my little sacred space, feeling & crying & praying have paid off. Financially, I am no better off than I was yesterday, which in slang is "I'm still broke", but I'm broke but I'm happy... I'm poor but I'm kind..
I have been staying up late nights and spending quality time in my life, knowing with complete faith and certainty, that God has answered all of my prayers this far and I have complete faith that the Universe fully supports my dreams and goals.
In a human world, where so much emphasis is placed on greed and violence, I can stand against negativity and fear. I am no longer afraid.
I asked God for help, from the depths of my soul and God sent me a team of angels, as usual... Which brings me to gratitude. Living in gratitude knowing that I am safe, loved & supported in this world by the one divine source.
So, now my days consist of relaxing. Taking care of the farm, which includes, our home, our animals, (cattle, chickens, turkeys, dogs, cats, etc...) and gardening while learning to cook and the simple lifestyle of self sustainability. I am allowing my dreams to unfold in only Gods perfection, while I am hanging curtains and mentally getting back to the book... MY BOOK. The book that will touch & inspire women to share close intimate personal relationships with other inspirng woman and passing the limitless love & faith along for many generations to come.
So, that's what I am doing with my time. Breathing. Dreaming. Trusting and living my life as God brings it to me, one moment at a time.
BE-ing and BE-ing Love. Visioning for world peace and peaceful consciousness.
I love my life... Not every single day, but for this moment, on this day... I absolutely love my life and I am breathing in gratitude to the one power that makes it so.
The power of love.

Chasing Passion in Manes

So here is the thing....The ONE truth about me that very few understand. My Superpower, if you will. I am an intuitive empath. I can feel other people's feelings and intuitively read energy. This is how I view the world and each experience every moment, through my chakras. I can intuitively feel other spirits in the room. Frequently.
What I have learned about my own intuitive powers, I have learned over my lifetime, but more so in these past 4 years. When Albert left this plane, there was a tear in my soul. I felt it. I knew it. All of the events leading up to that moment fell into place and it was if I was re-born with him into a more spiritual place. In Alberts journey to heaven, he ultimately got me to Manes, where I am supposed to spend the rest of my days, nurturing the town and the earth.
Chasing passion... that has been the story of my life. I jump in with both feet into the sea of life, trying to be in the BIG Divine flow. Trying to make a difference.
It has taken me this long to get to the beginning of the second half of my life.
This half, I am here & present.... ALL of the players are perfectly in place and life begins at 42. Here I am...
I am safely in Manes, where I will spend the rest of my life with the great love of my life, on this beautiful farm, with this loving family and some close friends.
I see visions of gardens and produce. I see beef and eggs. I see milk, butter & cheese. I see wine and goat milk. I see a cafe'/produce market/general store, where I oversee the operation from my rocking chair on the porch. I see riding my horse to the shoppe some days and arriving in a truck full of flowers & fruit. I see stewardship over the animals... many animals in a friendly, happy barnyard full of animals who are safe and healthy.
I see working side by side with people that I love who love me. I see people learning to use non-violent & non-confrontational communication and speaking with love tongues. I see metaphysics in Manes as the vibrational energy level of this entire town is beginning to flow at a higher frequency than it has ever before.
I see creativity expressing freely and minds opening up to new ways of thinking. Challenging old beliefs and encouraging love & support for our youngsters.
I see feeding hungry people and helping neighbors. I see a self governing community, where love and acceptance reigns.
This is why I am in Manes. My passion is to enlighten & encourage healing. There are a lot of old wounds here in Manes.. If I can be a light to anyone here, please allow me to do so. I can not fix other peoples issues, however I can see each individual light and it's soul connection to the one divine source. I can hold consciousness on the goodness of people and wholeness of their spirit, even when they can not see it. This is what I do.
My passion is here in Manes. I am here to stay for the rest of my life. What is that... another 42 years? I have the rest of my life to live as free me. hhhmmmm. That is a good place to be. God brought us here for a much higher purpose than simply running a cafe'. God brought us to Manes to be a source of Light for the community and to bring fresh new thought ideas to Manes, Missouri.
And while I'm here, I'll be chasing my passions... little purple wildflowers and living the simple, country life with my family and friends.
Thank you, God... for being so good!

Free to be the Spiritual Being I call me

Lifestyle change... Hmmm... I believe it is safe to say so. I am still learning, however and one thing I know for sure is that I am much safer and happier living my life as the spiritual being that God created, not a mere mortal human.
I am a light of love and acceptance. Freaking out over human things is so stressful and energy zapping. Accepting with love exactly what the Universe brings me is more than & better than I could have imagined.
This human stuff... petty. God stuff.... now THAT'S the stuff I live for!
Metaphysics has come to Manes!

Four Years and Superbowl Sunday

For the past 4 years, February first has brought thoughts, memories and emotions along with it. February 1st has significance to me, especially since 02/01/05.
The day that changed everything for me and ultimately a chain reaction that altered the lives of many people. One day. February 1st.
When I was an abused wife, all I wanted was peacefulness. Realizing that Alberts reality & zombies were becoming my realities & zombies, I fought back with the only resource I knew, God. I prayed for a peaceful home and God safely led me to where I am today. February first is the day on the calendar for remembrance and gratitude.
Four years ago today, I took steps to peace. I got a U-Haul and left everything that had become familiar to me. The big home, the large family, the pool, hot tub, neighbors, good income and the crazy, alcoholic husband who both loved me and abused me....I took the kids and pets and a few of my things and left my home to pursue peace. I rented a cute yellow house across town and took Max out of his life and started over, fearfully that Albert would find us and hurt us. I knew he had guns and I knew he had angry alcoholic, which in my mind, can be a deadly combination and I was right.
It was a Tuesday when I left. The week before Superbowl Sunday, the holiday where the whole family of friends gathers to eat, drink & be merry together, while the NFL makes millions of dollars. Superbowl 2005 would be the last football game the Al Rose would ever see and it would be the last time anyone saw him alive.
As I sit here ontop of the patchwork quilt that my grandma made, on top of our love bed, I realize that my prayers have been answered and I am in my peaceful home. I believe Albert knew that I would go on to have a peaceful life with my Dave and I'm sure he's not surprised that it is on the farm in the Ozarks.
I believe Albert is proud of us all, actually. Smiling down on us from his peaceful home in heaven. The kids, the cafe', the farm, the animals, he is happy for us that we have found peace and gratitude. I know that in my heart. I realize that Albert is nearby.. not more than a breathe away from all of us at any given time. I speak his name and he is here with his wit and wisdom that is free from the emotional pain that kept him in the dark on this plane. Albert is in and of the light now. He is the hawk that watches from the sky and the sun that warms our face. He is my teacher and guardian still now. Albert was much stronger than he realized and touched more lives than he knew. At 42, I am older than he lived to be. I passed him in age and will continue on my journey.
On this February 1st, I reflect on what IS and how that one day changed everything. On Superbowl Sunday, I reflect for a moment on what was. As I hang with my new family, drinking a beer and living my life in peace and harmony, I will silently toast to my husband, Albert with gratitude for the gifts that he left me and the wonderful memories of family and home that we shared.
I fully release any negative or hurtful emotions around the choices we made and respect his decisions as well as my own. I forgive and I reconsile.
On this February 1st, it is another day on my journey. A day full of promise and sunshine. Today, I will spend with MY Dave and our family on our farm, enjoying the peacefulness of our life and the joy of each other and the life we are co-creating. The question is answered... Would I trade everything I know in my comfort zone (money/financial security) for a life of self sufficiency and peacefulness? Yes, Yes, Yes... I did and it did it with no regrets.
So, that's all of the looking back. Now it's about looking forward and living now. It's about living MY dreams and counting my blessings. It's a day of learning a new way of life and growing into the woman I have been becoming all along.
Today is about LOVE. True, Divine Love and human friendships. It's about Church Ladies and lessons learned. Today is a day of gratitude and joy.
I can say every day that I love my life. It has been a bumpy road, at times, but the journey has been worth it. I am here now. This IS my life and I am truely in every sense of the word, blessed. Four years later.

Simply BE-ing...

The one thing in life that I love more than anything is simply BE-ing. BE-ing free to dream. BE-ing safe to love. BE-ing one with the Universe. Quiet BE-ing. BE-ing peace. BE-ing love.

My Connection to God is all there is

I know this truth, because as I sit here, pondering God and the Christ connection in all of us, as David serenades me with old gospel music. THIS is how I KNOW God is listening.
I have had a God day for sure. I'm trying is all I can say. Honestly, one of the most difficult tasks is to try to relate as a human with other humans. I feel so deeply and am so sensitive to energy. How can I explain that to people?
It doesn't matter... I do need some people to understand. Jewlia understands, Max understands. My Church Lady sisters understand. I have to have God. God is my link to sanity. Once I realized my enlightenment, I made a choice to follow God and I do try to follow the examples & teachings of Jesus and Gandhi and the many great teachers I have encountered along the way. I know my mission... I am here to brighten, enlighten & heal the world one spirit at a time.
I have known that all along. Now, learning how to incorporate that into my human life here in Manes, Missouri is my next objective. In the meantime, I have human issues to attend to, regarding the cafe'. Financial, cooking, getting into the flow, etc...
Then there is creating the non-profit. Should I start a church or an outreach program or simply a non-profit? I'll be still and wait for God to lead me.
Stay tuned....

Alone in a town full of humans....

I thought I was safe from the maliciousness of people, simply because God always lights the way. God is GOOD. ALL the time. Any doubt of that is simply other peoples belief system messing with my bubble.
The question is how do I be a light in a place dimmed by ego and meanness? People judgment and gossip... I'm looking for God in everyone's eyes, but it is eluding me. It's not that God's not there... It's just that today, I don't see it. I am not sure what filters came off or went on, but my BA is aching, as well as my head and this physical body. Emotional stress plays havoc on my well being.
I know that I am here, as a spiritual being, to have this human experience. I know that I have agreed to this path long before my life on this planet began. I can not understand though, if I am being the light and following Gods path for me, then why am I subjected to stupid human petty drama. Do unto others... So, then if I am kind & compassionate & accepting of others, why is it not shown back to me? How can human beings be so cynical and cruel to one another and how am I, an enlightened being, supposed to behave around people that do not share my vibrational frequency? If I can't see my light how can I see anyone elses? If I forget my own strength and light, what if no one is here to remind me of it and I forget totally who I am?
I am not flesh & bone. I am a spiritual being trapped in a human body, surrounded by people who do not understand my language of non-violence and perhaps can not even see my light. They see me as a human and I am certainly not a human. Sure, I live in a human body and I have human behaviors and feelings, but I am sooooo much more than this crazy, overwhelmed, tragedy of a person.
Or am I?

A moment alone at the farm...

The question today is all about what I am doing here.... Isn't it always?
Because I see myself as a meek, humble, spirited servant of love, I rarely look at the humanness in me. I try not to see it in anyone else either. I know that we are all here with a higher purpose and I am here to fufill whatever purpose God has for me here on this planet, in this life. This human life. What does it all mean from the BIG picture, Spiritual side AND what does it mean on the human side.
Humans... I prefer not to be around too many of them, especially at once. It totally sucks my energy and I am so vulnerable and hyper-sensitive to the energy and words. It is so much easier to hold consciousness when I have alone time with God. A time to connect with the ONE REAL TRUTH that I ABSOLUTELY BELIEVE IN WITH UNWAVERING FAITH.
The Divine power of Love.
I must learn to love the energy that I fear in the most Christlike manner. The objective is to understand what I fear, so that I know how to release it and overcome. That is the courageous thing to do. What is not love is fear and I believe that. We either manifest from our fears or we manifest from our love and it works simultaniusly. It has been said to "be careful what you wish for, as it might come true". That is so factual, however it could be "Be faithful what you wish for because it will come true."
Now that all of my dreams are coming true and I know that I am manifesting as fast as the speed of light, I know I must slow down the process a bit and enjoy what I have created.
It's time to get to work on the book and learn to plant the garden. It's time to learn farming and self sustainability. It's time to enjoy building a love and the life that I have spent my entire life dreaming of with the man that I have spent my life dreaming of. A simple life full of sunshine and color, animals, peaceful harmony, balance, passion, quiet, resourcefulness, sanctuary.
It is an interesting experience, as an only child, learning to be around siblings and family a lot.
It truely makes me appreciate my own, personal space. My bubble....
I truely love the farm and am starting to believe that I will spend the rest of my life here with Dave and the Wadey Bunch, being Lyn. Everyone knows I'm crazy and they are all cool with it.
I feel safe here. I know that my Dave cares for me, cherishes me and keeps us safe. He will let no harm come to any of us. He is my Pa Ingalls only better... He is My Dave. My only Dave. All others were simply imposters. I know that I have been vulnerable and I know that every step I have taken in my life, looking and searching for my "real life", have led me stright here to Manes with My Dave and Our Life. Right here to the cozy warmth of our Love room. Right here in the arms of the strongest, most gentle man I have ever known who I love with a richness I have never felt before. A bond of trust that I know that I can believe in, simply because it's God.
Back to the purpose... Now that I'm here, with the man that I love, time to get into the groove of the book AND manage the cafe' AND get the Farmers Market up & going AND learn gardening AND BREATHE... Now that I'm here, I kind of want to catch my breath. Learn to feel safe and at home. Learn how to be aorund family members when I have become so reclusive. There is sooo much more to do... I'll just keep doing what I do best. I'll show up and I'll hold consciousness of the beautiful life that I know we are creating, Dave, my family and me.

Taking notes on life...

I'm currently processing the many dynamics in my life and what that all means.
I love my life today! I love being me. I know that all of this is part of the big, divine plan of our creator, I'm just not sure how all of these bright spirits fit together, so I'm laying low & taking notes, knowing with complete certainty, that it is all God unfolding and I live in humble gratitude for the peace and joy God brings into my life ALL THE TIME.
How do you say thank you when God gives you exactly what you asked for?
The only way I know how is to live in service and peace.
To promote peace and non-violent communications to heal wounded spirits and to restore faith in the ONE Divine power of LOVE!
So, off to the greenhouse to do some spring cleaning! June is getting her doggie girl operation tomorrow and we are fixing up a little place for her, which will, in a few weeks, become the greenhouse!!
YEAH!!!!

Vision a world where everyone can be safe & free.

LOVE!!!

Physical Manifestations of our human world.

I have been on this planet for almost 42 years and love the freedom and new thought age. I am on a different level of consciousness than most other people and that helps me out so much in my spiritual lessons and I realize that it is other spirits (God in all of us) that are behaving in human ways that are helping us along the way. Teachers and nurturers, angels, guides. Listening to God's Voice in human terms.
I know that God is manifesting thru me, all of my hopes, wishes and dreams, so I know, with complete faith, that when I keep myself Spiritually balanced that ONLY GOOD can enter my bubble. Knowing this in my zen place and knowing this in the humanness there are many different levels of faith. So, knowing that I can create and demonstrate ONLY Good thru God, why do I still have panic attacks around human life? HOW do I get hooked into a crazy world of other peoples stuff and more so, how do I restore harmony to the physical manifestation of stress?
I FEEL everyone else's energy. I sage & I pray & I see the LIGHT, however my body still resorts to the feel of the physical aches & pains AND the emotional wounds and scars of others spirits.
I need, as a spirit and as a human to somehow learn to release, relax & allow.
Allowing is easy. All that means is that I allow and accept what God brings my way, knowing that this is a life lesson meant for ME... My Spirit... MY FREE SPIRIT.
My graceful Spirit of giving & service not that of a freaked out middle aged hippie chick that is as flaky as snow, trying to juggle too many balls in the fire.
So, how do I keep myself in my zen space of purity? How do I keep my constant connection with God thru the one universal string of light... I KNOW my role is not to be a stressed out person. I KNOW that I must have quiet time for God every day. Not a sleep time, but a meditative time, where I can disconnect my energy from anyone and everyone in this human world. A time to connect directly with God thru the power of my mind and the one Universal consciousness. I have to have time to mediate on world peace. Season for non-violence begins soon & I have flyers to make up and research to do. I also have to get my visual mind focused on the farmers market and cafe'. I must vision health for all of us and prosperity. I vision for perfect outcome and God does the rest. I simply allow...
WHY then.. Do I manifest physical symptoms of stress, panic attacks, high blood pressure, shortness of breathe, physical aches? I am only perfect health and only perfect health manifests itself thru me. I know that with each step that I follow God, perfect health is mine. I know that with each step I take with God, perfect mind is mine. I know that I follow God's lead. That is how I have survived in this life of some pretty remarkable events.
Everyone has a story to tell and everyone has ears to listen.
So, in the humanness of this, there are a lot of emotions that people feel towards me and/or my behaviors. I try to keep myself out of other peoples judgments or their expectations of me. I am free to be me and that's ALL I can be. Everyone is here to have their own Spiritual journey, my only hope is to help them along with a hug or a sage and on a good day, maybe some love in their heart that once wasn't there. Some faith.
So, I show up & God tells me what to do next. I am happy to hand the leads over.. surrender. I do it every moment both consciously and unconsciously. I don't care what other people think... it's none of my business or concern, however... I do care about how people feel and I only choose to bring joy and harmony to wherever I go. I live in peace with the Universe in my tiny little bubble of a BA. The physical manifestations of anxiety and stress are simply feelings to ride through.
I accept the gift I have been given and I allow God to work thru me, whatever that experience means to other people, I can simply to allow knowing that it is all unfolding for the greater good.
In the meantime, I have my prescriptions in hand and will get my meds filled and see if that helps some of the physical until I get to a zen enough place where I can do it myself. All I have to do is show up... God will direct me from there.
So, that's the crazy ramblings of a middle aged woman who is so much more than a human, trying to enjoy the crazy ride and all of the love that the world has to offer! I live in humble gratitude for the one most powerful source, God, who saves my soul every day.
I live in the salvation of It's divine light, as the perfect expression of light and love.

Visualize a world where everyone is truly free.

LOVE!!!!

2009 - Twenty O Nine - Cabin View

Looking out the window of the cabin of my dreams, leaving this sanctuary for another, taking a small household full of pets with kid in tow.... WOW... sounds like a big step.
The funny thing is, that it has all been basically done for me. All I had to do was hold the vision and "show up", which is precisely what I did. I go with the flow. God has it all under control and I don't. PERIOD. I make choices (and the older I get the more prayed out those choices are) and usually those choices are made for me, by God. God encourages the way.
Now, here I am in Manes, Missouri... The year is Twenty O Nine. I have gratefully manifested everything I have ever wanted and here I am, living my dream. I have my beautiful, creative, brightly Spirited kids, both growing into their each individual light. Jewlia, the strong Spirited Light of love, laughter & beauty. Max, the young warrior spirit, who is just beginning to learn who he is. I have the Dave, my Dave... My farmer's hackin', gravely voiced, noise makin, kind hearted, gentle man who adores me and cherishes my own crazy unique spirit that I can respect man. Together, we have a beautiful future full of adventures and love. It's like hanging out with your best friend every day kind of livin. Nurturing the food supply and being peace.
I have a wonderful family of it's own design, with parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends (a small word for so many different levels of meaning), "step" kids, adopted community kids, lonely old folk, dogs, cats, cows, chickens, turkeys and whatever else God brings our way.
I am surrounded by people who love me and care about my well being.
I release any vampires from my energy and I know that I am only surrounded by love & light.
So, together, Dave and I can save the world from humanity and make the world a better place one spirit at a time. That is our daily chore. This is our daily adventure.
Sure, sometimes it's overwhelming and I do handle things differently when I am not medicated. I get stressed out at all of the demands of "public service" Not so much the physical demands, but the emotional needs of a lot of people. Having enough energy to pass around. That is usually a dilemma for me. The one thing I am really good at is feeling. That is almost 100% of the time... Whether I am feeling emotional feelings or physical feelings, it's all about the same to me.
It's all energy moving. All I have to do is Pray, Show up and go with the flow. God directs me in the right direction always. For that I live in gratitude!
I am a testament that the Law of Attraction works! I know that in each of us is the God Power of creating our reality, simply by our belief.
I dreamed of the farm, the cabin, being Mom & My Dave. I held that vision and did what God directed me to do and here I am.... Living the dream - Thanks to the Universe that grants wishes and fully supports my light! I live in service and joy!
Now, home to the farm!

KNOW THAT GOD IS THE ENERGY THAT WE CALL LOVE!
Visualize it... 16 seconds... a world of peace, where every living being has the human right to be safe and then simply BE peace.