HHHmmm.. Let's randomly pick a topic.... How about a quote I got in my inbox just now...
You cannot worry about someone and love them at the same time. Most people mistake the emotion of worry for the emotion of love. They think that worrying about somebody means that you love them. -Abraham/Hicks
This brings to mind, Jewlia/Julia... My beautiful, precious little girl... She's still a little pink bundle of joy at almost 19. It's hard for me to imagine that I watched this kid grow up from a helpless infant to a strong, independent, free thinking, amazing, brilliant young woman that she is. Hard to believe, considering I still feel 17. I was 23 when God, myself & Dr. Odem created Jewlia from a frozen spermcicle into this little spunky redhead! I always knew, from the time I was a kid, that I would have Jewlia. I spent my whole childhood playing house with her and Mommy to her in my soul. Creating her from my heart.. It's like we have always been together.
I feel tears start to well up, just this moment... Tears of pride and love for this spirit of light that has brought me so much happiness in my life. The part of me that I needed so much to express. Having Jewlia was kind of a selfish thing, really... I needed someone to love me and Jewlia does. There is never any doubt in my mind that she & I are bound through eternity. Soul mates we are. I have always seen it something like that, but when she said it, it resonated. It made sense... Finally, something in my life made sense. The funny thing about Motherhood, is that is what what I was supposed to do. It had been my lifes work to raise her & Max. Now that we are at this place in our relationship that is new & unfamiliar to both of us, I wonder what next? How do I "let go" of her and allow her to become the brilliant young person she is growing into? I think in so many ways, her independence has made my job easier. When Jewlia's around, she's the boss. She is a "Take Charge", "On the Ball" kind of gal. She has got brass balls and a heart of gold. She acts like a mini-ME & yes, that does concern me. I mean, really... she looks like me, but healthier and prettier. The first time I saw Jewlia laying in bed, smoking a cigarette, watching Y & R, I thought, "There's a picture"... "Cats in the Cradle"...
"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree"... All I can say is I hope she learns from my experiences and doesn't have to go through all of the craziness I have gone through. Oh... too late... she has already experienced all of the crazy I have been through. So, in order for there to be "Peace in my family", which is always my prayer, I have to allow her to find her own path. How that includes me, I have no idea. But, it's not about me, is it? It's about Jewlia.
Being my kid has been, let's say, unconventional. I tried the "normal" mom thing and I believe we both outgrew it. I was almost convinced that we were "normal" for awhile... However, I have always known that we were here for greatness. That we are here as Spiritual Beings to bring peace & harmony to the earth and humanity. We are lightworkers. 21st Century angels, here to bring joy & harmony to the planet. I know this truth for myself as well as Jewlia & Max. There is a divine purpose to every life and ours is no exception. We are here to learn & grow, teach & demonstrate peace. We are here to inpire and to feel inspired. Jewlia inspires me every day.
Now, here comes the tricky part... Allowing Jewlia to be free to feel & create her own experiences. This is a big task, feeling larger than "let go & let God". Then again... nothing is larger than God (however you concieve this power). So, standing back & allowing Jewlia to be is like the hardest thing I have to do. I know in the human experience, she is struggling right now. She is feeling instable in the world with due cause. The human stuff can be big & scary, especially when you're a wide eyed kid. There is sooo much out there... a whole world of experiences and things can change on a dime. Life is so fluid and you are creating as you go... It's learning how to harness that power; that energy, and keeping yourself positive in a world that can feel negative. It's about doing what feels right to you and good and helping your fellow travelers.
Oh but that's not all... There is the whole happiness thing. More than anything, I want Jewlia to be happy again. She doesn't remember so much being happy. I remember happy Jewlia. It was before I put her into the public education system, where they taught her "normal" and about peer pressure and social issues. So, let's get back to the task at hand, Jewlia being happy. I see Jewlia in this light of happiness. She is confident and secure in her footing. She is strong and passionate, light and funny. She got an amazing human body to live in and she sees the world thru her own eyes. She has been my masterpiece and now she is becoming her own.
What the future holds for any of us can be anyones guess. What I do know is that when you create your life thru your blessings & gratitude, your life your dreams, your goals come together. The key is to stay in the light, but know that even when you are in darkness, the light is always there. Sometimes it's a matter of opening your eys to the light, but it shines thru the blackest of moments. You remember 9/11 and all of the love energy that followed it? Every time something "terrible" happens, the spirit of man shines thru into every aspect oof the "problem", you simply have to open your heart to it. Trust in the Divine process, whatever that is. Know, with confidence that we need some "bad" for contrast to recognize & appreciate our good. We must know what good feels like to demoonstrate more of it. I can not vreate happiness for either Jewlia or Max, or anyone else for that matter, just likfe I can not create unhappiness for them or anyone. It is Jewlias experience and I have to allow her to feel her own feelings and create her own experiences and all I can do at this point is help her where I can and cheer her on from the sidelines. I do not have a magic wand to make the human experience easier, but I do know the secret. I understand the "law of attraction" and how to create happiness for myself and I also understand that I can only use it on myself. I have to allow Jewlia to wake up to hers. Actually, she is waking up to hers with or without me allowing. All I can do for ehr at this point is pray and serve. Give her all of the love and compassion I can and know that she is surrounded by angels and they are far more powerful than the zombies who try to invade her bubble. Since I know this, I will give no energy to the zombies, as they only have the power that we give them. I am giving my love energy to Jewlia, knowing that she is protected by her angle guides (in many dimensions, including ours) and I trust with complete faith and certaintly that Jewlia is exactly where she is supposed to be on her journey and that she is being guided by the divine power of light & love.
Jewlia is a part of me, however, Jewlia is a part of consciousness too and she realizes this on some level. The trick is to hold consciousness of truth for her and not to worry or have negative/controlling/worried energy around her. I accept her path, however that unfolds as only adding to her grater good, while reminding her of the 3 "A''s...
Alive
Awake
Aware
Jewlia is just coming alive and awake and aware. I support this and know that only love can touch Jewlia. Anything outside of love is simply an illusion of the truth. I will continue forever to hold Jewlia in her light & truth, knowing that whtever she does, will only bring her joy & happiness and that she is equipped with an intuitive nature and enough of everything she needs to be peaceful and happy. I live in gratitude for this healthy, beautiful woman that has shared this journey with me, knowing that she is divinely guided and protected. Jewlia is safe in the universe and nothing can penetrate her bubble of light. With that, I release my words into law, knowing that as I let go and let it be... It is already done. And so it is....
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