For most of my life, I have lived with undiagnosed “mental illness”. I had been treated for depression since I was 17, on and off various anti-depressants for over 20 years. I went through several bouts of severe depression and then other times, I was simply being the wild, eccentric, high strung “normal” person so many people know and love. I would go for days on minimal sleep and have so much energy and excitement. I bounced off walls some days and couldn’t stop crying other days. The depression was far more noticeable than the manic, since manic was my outward personality.
I have always had a close connection to God, the Father, Son & Holy Spirit along with other entities, I refer to as my Angels. From as early as I can remember, angel guides, Jesus, Mary and God have “spoken” to me, either through words, signs and both ethereal and human angels. I was visited by spirits of loved ones who had passed, beginning with my Grandma Sylvia in 1986. I have always relied on this connection with the Divine and it has gotten me through many tragedies & human “situations”. I never thought of these entities as “voices” or “hallucinations”. The things I have known all my life as that God is real and his mystical ways, that we don’t always understand, are truly Divine. God answers all prayers, even when we don’t like the answer and God works in God’s time, not mine. God is in everything and everyone. There is one creator and this is the God of Love. God loves each of us unconditionally and has angels watching over us at all times.
In the Baptist church, growing up, there were no real discussions of angels, only the Holy Spirit & the various Biblical angels that appeared in that history. I was touched by the Holy Spirit, “saved” and baptized, when I was 15. I remember the alter call and the song that was playing… “Earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling…”. I accepted this call and became a Christian, but my heart knew that the Baptist church didn’t have all of the answers I needed, so I became a member of the Kolkmeier family church, United Church of Christ as a young adult. What I liked about Friedens UCC was the fact that there was no fire and brimstone preaching by a pulpit pounding preacher. In the UCC, I found a Minister who calmly gave sermons. There was no alter call, only a group confession & profession. This was my church home for many years to come until I got pregnant at 29 and was very single. The gossip & judgment from my fellow Christians was more than I could take, so I quit. I quit church and I quit Christianity. I still had my close, personal relationship with Christ, but could not understand how his followers were so unChrist-like.
I spent the next several years praying and meditating on my own. God spoke to me clearly in whatever means I needed at that time. God remained consistent, even when the church was not.
I had always had a fascination of other religions, especially Catholics, since I was raised at the other end of the spectrum as a Baptist. I was told things, in whispers, about the Catholics. The main thing I remember was that Catholics are welcome to participate in the “Lord’s Supper” in the Baptist church, but Baptists are not even welcome in the Catholic church. This made it seem like an exclusive club to me. I had to learn more about it. I went to several masses at a few different churches, as well as non-denominational Christian and Lutheran churches, looking for something to fill my craving for the Truth. Something I have spent my entire life seeking. I could talk to God and God always guided me in the direction I needed to go. My creator is also my best friend and confidant, but at every church I went to, He seemed so limited. I knew better than that. God is limitless.
In 2002, after severe mood swings, irrational outbursts and deep depressive episodes, I was diagnosed as a rapid-cycle bipolar with generalized anxiety and panic disorder. This put some things into perspective for me. I began taking mood stabilizers, antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications. These helped for a couple of years, but they made me feel disconnected from my spiritual connection, so I stopped taking them.
In the summer of 2004, I walked through the doors of the Center for Spiritual Living – St Louis and met Rev. Marigene DeRusha. I went there to check out the metaphysical bookstore and walked out with a job as their new Office Manager. I had no idea what I was in for, but I knew God had led me to this point and I had to follow where He led me. I loved my job at CSL. I loved the people and spirituality of each of the people I met there and I loved learning about God in a new light. I stopped seeing God as the “old guy in the sky” and began seeing God as the omnipotent, omnipresent source that He/She/It is.
I learned so much in my new trans-denominational spiritual community. I learned from Christians, Catholics, Muslims, Jews and everything in between. God sent me so many angels & messengers through those years and those were the days I learned more about myself and my connection with God than any other period of time. I realized my enlightenment and I lived it. I realized the power of my word and the power of my faith. Everything I had ever learned spiritually finally all came together for me. I was happy & free. Free to be me and free to love me, through Christ.
I finally had an understand of my empathic, intuitive nature and became more sensitive and open to the Christ energy in all people. I surrounded myself with like-minded people and was actually very happy & spiritually fulfilled, for the first time in many years. Even the suicide of my (then) husband, Albert was a huge spiritual experience for me, but I coped through it very well, with strength and grace, strong medication and a lot of alcohol. I was just becoming aware and learning about my empathic nature and still not sure how to handle all of the emotions I felt all of the time. I went off my meds to be able to “think clearly” without synthetic chemicals in my brain.
In 2007, almost exactly 2 years after Albert’s death, Anna Nicole Smith died. Suddenly, all these emotions and feelings of grief and devastation consumed my life. I left my job at CSL and spent the next several months having a complete nervous breakdown. I was visited by Mother Mary & Jesus at critical moments in my sorrow. Both cradling me in their arms and reassuring me that things are good and that I am safe & loved.
I got myself pulled together enough to go back to work and did ok for a few months, then the stress and demands of being around people took its toll and in March of 2008, I suffered another major breakdown and checked into the stress program as outpatient. I went for 6 weeks while I stabilized on my meds and quit my job. This was when God told me that it was time to leave the toxic city and start a new life. When people ask me, why I came to Manes, I simply say that God brought me here & dropped me off. I had prayed for an extreme life make-over in 2004 and by 2009, I had it. I went from the big city, where I had the safety of friends & family to a tiny village in the Bible Belt Ozarks, where I knew no one. I left everything I had known to follow where God led me and yes, my life has had an extreme makeover. Finally, now I can get a perspective on it all.
Even through the dark days of depression, the stress of anxiety and the human pain of Fibromyalgia, I know that God is with me as a constant. This is my truth. Now that I know that, I want to understand how this plays into my “mental illness”.
I have spent many hours researching the common factors of bipolar illness and spirituality and have found some very interesting theories and connections. I am not a medical person or a scientist, but I am an empathic, intuitive, eternal, spiritual being. I am a “feeler” not a “thinker”. Ration & logic are secondary to my spirituality. I live my life as an enlightened being as much as humanly possible. I try to only surround myself with positive influences and focus as much of my spiritual energy on God’s love and peace… nothing less.
I am empathic to psychic energy and I can intuitively communicate with spirits. Being empathic means I feel your feelings. I feel your deep energy related feelings, not the superficial ego feelings. Your words can say one thing, but many times they do not match the emotional energy that you are emitting. When this happens, I tend to shut down because I feel manipulated and deceived by the words that are being said. Your words mean nothing if your intentions are deceitful. This is why I have such a hard time in the human realm, trying to deal with people. Most people confuse me with their dishonesty or their attempts to manipulate of my emotions. This causes trust issues for me. Psychically and rationally, I have to ask myself what I did to attract this experience into my life, because it is all within my karmatic cycles. I also have to decide, experience by experience, if it is helpful or harmful for me to be exposed to the manipulations of others. Each “situation” is individual, but part of the whole. This is why I do not watch commercials or much TV for that matter and it is also why I choose to **POOF** some people from my personal “bubble”. I bless them & then I let them go. Releasing is such a cleansing and healing feeling, but there is usually a bit of sadness when I have to release people I have gotten attached to, but God fills all voids & I heal and move on.
The things I have learned both logically and spiritually connect several aspects of my life. “Bipolar” is a label. Some things I have learned are common in Bipolar people. Spirituality is a common “symptom” of mania. This makes me laugh, but it is actually connected, so I have to consider this fact. I believe the connection is in the pineal gland at the center of our brain, top of our spinal cord. I believe this is the physical link to our spirituality. It is the center of our third eye chakra and also directly under our crown chakra. This gland has several purposes and is know to release DMT (the natural chemical that is released during spiritual experiences and death) and it also controls our serotonin and melatonin.
I have also learned that there is a connection with Rhesus negative blood types, spirituality, red hair and bipolar. Interesting facts. The Rhesus blood type is the Positive or Negative after your blood type. My blood type is O and my Rhesus factor is negative. O-. Those with Rhesus positive share DNA with the Rhesus monkey in the evolutionary chain. Those with a negative Rhesus factor do not share DNA with the Rhesus monkey. That leads me to believe that there is another factor involved, the missing-link. At this point, I believe the different DNA is due to the God gene. People with negative Rhesus factors tend to be more spiritually connected, many are redheads and all are descendants of something other than traditional humans.
Over generations we have bred & mated so that the DNA’s have been mixed, but there are 85% less Rhesus negatives than positives and that is because the Rhesus negative mothers’ body tries to reject a Rhesus positive baby. Many of these pregnancies end when the mothers’ body attacks the fetus like a virus. What is it in our genetic code that makes this happen? Why is it that even with several generations of cross breeding some people still do not carry the Rhesus genes and that Rh negatives are less than 15% of the human population? What connection does this have with our spiritual nature?
These are the questions I ponder and still do not have all the answers. I am happy to be alive, in a time where science is so close to understanding God and not only will we understand God in a logical human way, but as a whole, begin living as the divine sparks of God that we are meant to be.
Whether you see the world through the eyes of a cynic, a spiritualist, or an agnostic, God is there. We are all simply spiritual beings sharing this human experience, while waiting to ascend to the other dimension where there are no labels and no mysteries. The blind will see and the meek shall inherit the earth. In the meantime, all I can do is be the best ME I can be and to share God’s love however I am led to. Blessings of peace and love on your journeys, my spiritual brothers and sisters!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Thursday, June 3, 2010
I know there's a reason...
After finding my true spirituality in St Louis and learning how to listen to my intuition, I took that huge leap of faith and moved my family to a place where we could feel safe and pursue the lifestyle change that we all needed so deeply. I arrived in the village of Manes, Missouri in May 2008, when I was led, by God, to buy the little towns cafe'. I was still in an outpatient stress program and on medication that was a bit too strong for me, so I married a stranger & moved to an even stranger town in the Ozarks. Within a month of being here, I had to stop taking so much medication, because I had a business to run and I realized that I was supposed to be here and my temporary, brief "husband" was not. I wanted an annulment but settled for a divorce. So, not only was I a "city girl" in this small community, I was a "New Age" city hippie with BIG dreams & a false belief that everyone would love me here. I felt like I found a purpose sharing my progressive beliefs with others who had limited conservative perceptions of God. Among many other locals, I met My Dave. I had no idea it was him when we first met. He was unlike anyone I had been with before and I had tried the whole Dave thing for so long, with such negative outcomes, that I wasn't about to give him a chance. Until one day, I heard God's voice clearly say to me, "You can trust this man." So I did & our friendship evolved into love. In the meantime, I struggled with my own mental issues and found myself suddenly more stressed than when I was in the city. People would come to tell me what other people had said about me. People were gossiping about me... some of it based on truth and some based on peoples imaginations. Either way, being empathic, I know when I have been betrayed because I can feel your feelings. Hypervigilant is the word my psychiatrist calls it. All I know is that it is my gift from God. Empathy. I'm still waiting for God to show me why I'm here. I understand that I am living the life that I have prayed for and because of that, God needs me to be the light... But what does that mean in Manes? The community we moved into is a bit like walking into an old black and white TV program from the 1950's. I am in the Bible Belt of Missouri, with it's sweet old country gospel churches. All the sinners getting saved and becoming Gun carrying Christians. They still do the old time baptisms in the river, still sing the old gospel songs to the little old lady piano player, still saving the sinners souls from eternal damnation. There is one Catholic church about 20 miles away and it is looked over by the priest from a neighboring town. There is no perish. This is a huge difference from Florissant, Missouri where there is a fish fry & bingo on every corner, saturday night mass & church bells. I kind of miss the crazy Catholics!!
Another notable difference down here is there are no blacks in Manes, so there are no black churches. There is a serious lack of diversity in this neck of the woods. I honestly don't know if a black person would be completely safe out here, from the gun carrying Christians.
These are the same Christians that use the "N" word in this 21st Century.
I do miss Sunday afternoons at the "Old County Buffet" in North St Louis County! The black people coming from church, dressed up as only a sharp black person can dress. The women in the famcy dresses with complete ensamble of matching shoes, hats, purses & accessories and the men in their three piece suits and their shiny shoes. All of them beaming with God's Light & Love. It gave me respect for their culture and worshiping rituals.
In the city, I met and respected people of all cultures. I know Jewish people. I know Muslim people. I've worked with Asians and Hispanics, blacks and Native Americans. I have met a lot of diverse people and for that I am grateful. As a light of God, I am blessed wth the ability to see the light in each of them... Each spiritual being belonging to God. When I look at you, I see you through God's eyes. All created from the same breathe of life by the one Creator. We are all connected through God.
The hardest part of being down in the Bible Belt has been finding a spiritual community that shares my expanded beliefs. The churches down here seem to limit themselves to the Bible and a lot of emphasis on sin & the murder of Jesus and less on his teachings of love and peace.
My mother always says that the Bible is "God's Word".. Ok, if I buy that, then should I also accept that this is God's ONLY word? God is not limited to Christianity or the Bible. The Bible has been interprited & edited so many times. I do believe God comes through the Bible, but I do not believe that God is limited to the Bible. God is ALL there is. God is in EVERYTHING.
The clearer we see this Truth, the easier the next few years will be.
I do believe in prophecy. I do believe that we are in "end times" of sorts, but I also believe that we are at the dawn of a new age. Once Jesus returns (whatever that looks like) peace will be restored to the earth and some of us are here to rebuild the earth in peace and harmony.
I can feel the stirring inside of me. I see what is happening in the world and it will not go on this way. Fear & Greed are dominating humanity. Children are killing children. Violence is on every TV teaching families what families are "supposed" to be and desensitizing us to the "evils" of the world. People lie, cheat, steal and kill without even a thought for the humaity that they are harming. Pray people!! Whatever and however you connect with God, please do it and pray for the end of the world as it has become. Visualize a world of peace and harmony. In this new world where we actually live the way God wants us to. Jesus tried to teach us somethings, as well as many other peace leaders. Look at the Seven Deadly Sins. Look at the Ten Commandments. Look at the Beatitudes. Then become the person that you can be. You don't have to live your life as a human being. You are an eternal being, a spirit, first & forever and you are here to have a human experience by choice. Please connect with God, regardless of how you connect, just please connect. The world needs your LOVE & LIGHT. Namaste'.
LOVE ONE ANOTHER. BE PEACE. PRAY for PEACE.
Another notable difference down here is there are no blacks in Manes, so there are no black churches. There is a serious lack of diversity in this neck of the woods. I honestly don't know if a black person would be completely safe out here, from the gun carrying Christians.
These are the same Christians that use the "N" word in this 21st Century.
I do miss Sunday afternoons at the "Old County Buffet" in North St Louis County! The black people coming from church, dressed up as only a sharp black person can dress. The women in the famcy dresses with complete ensamble of matching shoes, hats, purses & accessories and the men in their three piece suits and their shiny shoes. All of them beaming with God's Light & Love. It gave me respect for their culture and worshiping rituals.
In the city, I met and respected people of all cultures. I know Jewish people. I know Muslim people. I've worked with Asians and Hispanics, blacks and Native Americans. I have met a lot of diverse people and for that I am grateful. As a light of God, I am blessed wth the ability to see the light in each of them... Each spiritual being belonging to God. When I look at you, I see you through God's eyes. All created from the same breathe of life by the one Creator. We are all connected through God.
The hardest part of being down in the Bible Belt has been finding a spiritual community that shares my expanded beliefs. The churches down here seem to limit themselves to the Bible and a lot of emphasis on sin & the murder of Jesus and less on his teachings of love and peace.
My mother always says that the Bible is "God's Word".. Ok, if I buy that, then should I also accept that this is God's ONLY word? God is not limited to Christianity or the Bible. The Bible has been interprited & edited so many times. I do believe God comes through the Bible, but I do not believe that God is limited to the Bible. God is ALL there is. God is in EVERYTHING.
The clearer we see this Truth, the easier the next few years will be.
I do believe in prophecy. I do believe that we are in "end times" of sorts, but I also believe that we are at the dawn of a new age. Once Jesus returns (whatever that looks like) peace will be restored to the earth and some of us are here to rebuild the earth in peace and harmony.
I can feel the stirring inside of me. I see what is happening in the world and it will not go on this way. Fear & Greed are dominating humanity. Children are killing children. Violence is on every TV teaching families what families are "supposed" to be and desensitizing us to the "evils" of the world. People lie, cheat, steal and kill without even a thought for the humaity that they are harming. Pray people!! Whatever and however you connect with God, please do it and pray for the end of the world as it has become. Visualize a world of peace and harmony. In this new world where we actually live the way God wants us to. Jesus tried to teach us somethings, as well as many other peace leaders. Look at the Seven Deadly Sins. Look at the Ten Commandments. Look at the Beatitudes. Then become the person that you can be. You don't have to live your life as a human being. You are an eternal being, a spirit, first & forever and you are here to have a human experience by choice. Please connect with God, regardless of how you connect, just please connect. The world needs your LOVE & LIGHT. Namaste'.
LOVE ONE ANOTHER. BE PEACE. PRAY for PEACE.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Where is God in All of This?
All day, every day, I find myself thinking about God.. Wondering what miracles will I see and who’s light will teach me the new lessons I am intended to learn. Who are my teachers and who are my students? What about God & the Economy and Politics? Where is God in all of this? Really, the age old question… What am I doing here?
What are WE doing here and Where is God in all of this human “mess”?
When I hear the propaganda & media about what is going wrong in our world, I have to feel for the beauty in the situation. I have to know, with my faith, that God is working ALL for good and believe this truth, thru the appearance of world wars and poverty, pain & suffering, darkness and sorrow. I see the light.
Thru all of this “mess” we, as humans have created, the light of consciousness continues to grow. “God” continues to inspire. We, as human spirits, continue to inspire and grow as an evolved species of the 21st century. We have been lured thru the “evils” of media marketing & politics of money, being mislead by greed. We have also been enlightened by some spirit of LOVE and Light, call It Jesus, God, Holy Spirit, Ala, Buddah, George, the Universe, Love, Peace… WHATEVER… It is the power of good. The All Powerful, Omnipresent power of Divine Consciousness. The oneness that we all share thru our thoughts, prayers & meditations. That mystical, natural divine place of Real LOVE… PURE LOVE.. Love for one another. Let’s go to a place where we feel safe. A place beyond this earthly human place… Let’s go to the place where the Trees whisper. A place in time where nothing had tainted you or ever put fear into your vocabulary. I am in a timeline where we raise our children, free from even the fear of violence. A peaceful world where each living being is safe and free to live and love. I believe that this is what “God” wants for us, as well. In order to create this peaceful, safe, loving place, I believe, is to let go of the old ways of thinking that have not worked for us, as human beings. Let’s finally begin behaving in the ways that Jesus, himself taught us and continues to teach us thru various modalities, including media.
How do we take the teachings of PEACE & LOVE and use the 21st century technology to raise consciousness of humans worldwide?
Also, let’s get away from the confines of religion or culture and all ourselves to connect directly to our Source. Thru the wars and violence, I have to know that “God” is the force of LOVE & LIGHT and that whatever fuels the dark forces, is all part of God’s divine, mysterious ways. Light will always illuminate the darkness. That is a fact. Whether you believe in the “old guy in the sky” God or the compassionate divine universal life source, Ala, Buddah, Jesus or Mohamed, the one thing is LOVE. The one universal language of kindness, compassion, respect.
As we go to our places of worship or meditation, that feeling of connectedness and unconditional love with the Mighty Creator. Now that we have our minds open to our safe place of wholeness & oneness with our divine being of choice, ask It… Ask God what He/She/It feels about war or violence. Ask God what can you do to make the world a better place for all and allow God to answer… “Peace is the only way. Love your neighbor, as yourself. Thou shalt not kill. Be excellent to each other & Party on, Dudes!!” That is what God says to me. LOL
We live in a society that is controlled by fear mongers and that is coming to an end. Generation X is gaining ground on the Baby Boomers and we are Lightworkers. Starseeds. We are the Generation of Peace. Our children, Millennia Generation, are here, along with us to save the planet and humankind. We have taught our children not to judge people and not to discriminate… We have been less harsh & more loving than the generations before us. We have given our children our unconditional love and they are a brighter, more creative, confident generation of people. They know what they have to face in the future and they are ready to take it on for peace. This is where God is.
God is in all of this, from the White House to the Kremlin to the Vatican. God is in our schools and homes and all of the empty or busy space in between. God is watching over us and guiding us to a place of peace that we, as human beings can and are achieving! God is in you & me and the spirits of those before us and generations after us. God is the lonely old lady at the grocery store that wants to strike up a conversation in the packaged dinner aisle. God is the Mom, struggling to pay her bills and keep a roof over their heads, while working to be able to have health insurance for her family. God is the hungry child. God is each of us, ALL of us. Reminding you of who you are.
We have been conditioned, as a society, to accept violence and greed as a social norm. There is something seriously wrong with this. What do you think is fueling this fire? Down here in the Ozarks, they call it the devil. What I do know, is that in my experience with dark is that light will always prevail. For every evil “sin” or malicious action, karma is always in flowing and light will come of it tenfold. God is in all of it. God is all of it. The wars that are going on today, will become obsolete. We are walking thru prophecies from thousands of years ago. Where are we headed? Go beyond what you think you already know and allow yourself to dig deep and find your soul… The very essence of YOU. Your spirit. That You that is an eternal being. Most people that I know would agree with the statement that we are spiritual beings. That spirit is what connects us with each other & with the universal flow of God’s goodness. It’s all energy. WE are all energy, flowing with complete perfection of God’s divine knowledge and creativity. We each have the “Christ Light” that unites us with the Divine Entity. God’s flow. So when you look at me, what do you see? Do you see me (and perhaps even judge me) as a human or do you see me in my light? It doesn’t matter how I present myself as much as it does for you to be open to see my Christ light. When I look at you, I can see that you are God’s blessing to the world and I choose to honor your spirit, because in doing so, I am honoring God. I am able to love everyone unconditionally because of God & my traditional Christian Jesus education. What I get out of it is that Jesus was (and spiritually still is) here to teach us and in living in accordance to his teachings, I understand that God is ALL about LOVE. Divine, Perfect, True LOVE.
Because God LOVES me that much, I can (and choose to) LOVE you that much. It’s simple, really.
I don’t know if we are in fact, in end times. I do feel a huge shift in the energies of the world. I know that in what appears to be the ultimate Good vs Evil scenario, that there is a war going on for our souls and it has infiltrated nearly every aspect of our society. It is in the churches as well as the mid East. It is in the violence that we are continually subjected to on the media. I know people who go to church religiously then watch CSI on the television. Do you see what a contrast this is? The dark is an energy vampire. It sucks your spirit & tells your brain that it’s ok to see morbid, violence, and it becomes a social norm. We are so conditioned to hearing the violence and abusive, deceptive dialogue that we many times forget our true nature of being loving beings. Through it all, God is there, reminding us that we are creatures of love and peace. We have to begin with loving and honoring our own selves enough to stop allowing garbage into our brains… It clogs up our spiritual highway to our soul. Turn off your TV & media and tune into God. Pray, Meditate, Love. Listen to Gods answers to your questions. God speaks to each of us in a language that we understand. It’s also called intuition. That is your “gut” (or as I call it “Ba”). It is the pulling of consciousness, guiding you with the universal language of love & righteousness.
God is where you are, in every cell of your being, allowing your free will to guide you through your human/spiritual experience. Open up to consciousness and live your life as if the world might shift tomorrow and everything you thought you knew, was askew… The new dawn is coming and Light will prevail throughout the Universe, as always. God is good ALL the time. We are heading for World Peace…
We are teaching each other tolerance and respect. We are learning compassion and peace. Humanity is young and continues to evolve on a spiritual level… “God” continues to be omnipresent.
In a society where we are inundated with media, please remember God. Remember that we are all woven from the same thread, Christians, Muslims, Jews, white, black, male, female, fat or thin. God is the very spirit that indwells within us… The good guy voice that always tells your heart that we are connected, as humans and as spiritual beings. We are the Light of the universe and it does begin with “ME”… Be the change you want to see. Look at the person next to you… This is your brother, your sister, Your Mother, your Father, your son, your daughter. Look in their eyes… This is the face of God and deserves that much respect. God is here.
God is that LOVE that binds us in humanity, together thru collective consciousness or prayer. So, Be excellent to each other and party on, Dudes!!
What are WE doing here and Where is God in all of this human “mess”?
When I hear the propaganda & media about what is going wrong in our world, I have to feel for the beauty in the situation. I have to know, with my faith, that God is working ALL for good and believe this truth, thru the appearance of world wars and poverty, pain & suffering, darkness and sorrow. I see the light.
Thru all of this “mess” we, as humans have created, the light of consciousness continues to grow. “God” continues to inspire. We, as human spirits, continue to inspire and grow as an evolved species of the 21st century. We have been lured thru the “evils” of media marketing & politics of money, being mislead by greed. We have also been enlightened by some spirit of LOVE and Light, call It Jesus, God, Holy Spirit, Ala, Buddah, George, the Universe, Love, Peace… WHATEVER… It is the power of good. The All Powerful, Omnipresent power of Divine Consciousness. The oneness that we all share thru our thoughts, prayers & meditations. That mystical, natural divine place of Real LOVE… PURE LOVE.. Love for one another. Let’s go to a place where we feel safe. A place beyond this earthly human place… Let’s go to the place where the Trees whisper. A place in time where nothing had tainted you or ever put fear into your vocabulary. I am in a timeline where we raise our children, free from even the fear of violence. A peaceful world where each living being is safe and free to live and love. I believe that this is what “God” wants for us, as well. In order to create this peaceful, safe, loving place, I believe, is to let go of the old ways of thinking that have not worked for us, as human beings. Let’s finally begin behaving in the ways that Jesus, himself taught us and continues to teach us thru various modalities, including media.
How do we take the teachings of PEACE & LOVE and use the 21st century technology to raise consciousness of humans worldwide?
Also, let’s get away from the confines of religion or culture and all ourselves to connect directly to our Source. Thru the wars and violence, I have to know that “God” is the force of LOVE & LIGHT and that whatever fuels the dark forces, is all part of God’s divine, mysterious ways. Light will always illuminate the darkness. That is a fact. Whether you believe in the “old guy in the sky” God or the compassionate divine universal life source, Ala, Buddah, Jesus or Mohamed, the one thing is LOVE. The one universal language of kindness, compassion, respect.
As we go to our places of worship or meditation, that feeling of connectedness and unconditional love with the Mighty Creator. Now that we have our minds open to our safe place of wholeness & oneness with our divine being of choice, ask It… Ask God what He/She/It feels about war or violence. Ask God what can you do to make the world a better place for all and allow God to answer… “Peace is the only way. Love your neighbor, as yourself. Thou shalt not kill. Be excellent to each other & Party on, Dudes!!” That is what God says to me. LOL
We live in a society that is controlled by fear mongers and that is coming to an end. Generation X is gaining ground on the Baby Boomers and we are Lightworkers. Starseeds. We are the Generation of Peace. Our children, Millennia Generation, are here, along with us to save the planet and humankind. We have taught our children not to judge people and not to discriminate… We have been less harsh & more loving than the generations before us. We have given our children our unconditional love and they are a brighter, more creative, confident generation of people. They know what they have to face in the future and they are ready to take it on for peace. This is where God is.
God is in all of this, from the White House to the Kremlin to the Vatican. God is in our schools and homes and all of the empty or busy space in between. God is watching over us and guiding us to a place of peace that we, as human beings can and are achieving! God is in you & me and the spirits of those before us and generations after us. God is the lonely old lady at the grocery store that wants to strike up a conversation in the packaged dinner aisle. God is the Mom, struggling to pay her bills and keep a roof over their heads, while working to be able to have health insurance for her family. God is the hungry child. God is each of us, ALL of us. Reminding you of who you are.
We have been conditioned, as a society, to accept violence and greed as a social norm. There is something seriously wrong with this. What do you think is fueling this fire? Down here in the Ozarks, they call it the devil. What I do know, is that in my experience with dark is that light will always prevail. For every evil “sin” or malicious action, karma is always in flowing and light will come of it tenfold. God is in all of it. God is all of it. The wars that are going on today, will become obsolete. We are walking thru prophecies from thousands of years ago. Where are we headed? Go beyond what you think you already know and allow yourself to dig deep and find your soul… The very essence of YOU. Your spirit. That You that is an eternal being. Most people that I know would agree with the statement that we are spiritual beings. That spirit is what connects us with each other & with the universal flow of God’s goodness. It’s all energy. WE are all energy, flowing with complete perfection of God’s divine knowledge and creativity. We each have the “Christ Light” that unites us with the Divine Entity. God’s flow. So when you look at me, what do you see? Do you see me (and perhaps even judge me) as a human or do you see me in my light? It doesn’t matter how I present myself as much as it does for you to be open to see my Christ light. When I look at you, I can see that you are God’s blessing to the world and I choose to honor your spirit, because in doing so, I am honoring God. I am able to love everyone unconditionally because of God & my traditional Christian Jesus education. What I get out of it is that Jesus was (and spiritually still is) here to teach us and in living in accordance to his teachings, I understand that God is ALL about LOVE. Divine, Perfect, True LOVE.
Because God LOVES me that much, I can (and choose to) LOVE you that much. It’s simple, really.
I don’t know if we are in fact, in end times. I do feel a huge shift in the energies of the world. I know that in what appears to be the ultimate Good vs Evil scenario, that there is a war going on for our souls and it has infiltrated nearly every aspect of our society. It is in the churches as well as the mid East. It is in the violence that we are continually subjected to on the media. I know people who go to church religiously then watch CSI on the television. Do you see what a contrast this is? The dark is an energy vampire. It sucks your spirit & tells your brain that it’s ok to see morbid, violence, and it becomes a social norm. We are so conditioned to hearing the violence and abusive, deceptive dialogue that we many times forget our true nature of being loving beings. Through it all, God is there, reminding us that we are creatures of love and peace. We have to begin with loving and honoring our own selves enough to stop allowing garbage into our brains… It clogs up our spiritual highway to our soul. Turn off your TV & media and tune into God. Pray, Meditate, Love. Listen to Gods answers to your questions. God speaks to each of us in a language that we understand. It’s also called intuition. That is your “gut” (or as I call it “Ba”). It is the pulling of consciousness, guiding you with the universal language of love & righteousness.
God is where you are, in every cell of your being, allowing your free will to guide you through your human/spiritual experience. Open up to consciousness and live your life as if the world might shift tomorrow and everything you thought you knew, was askew… The new dawn is coming and Light will prevail throughout the Universe, as always. God is good ALL the time. We are heading for World Peace…
We are teaching each other tolerance and respect. We are learning compassion and peace. Humanity is young and continues to evolve on a spiritual level… “God” continues to be omnipresent.
In a society where we are inundated with media, please remember God. Remember that we are all woven from the same thread, Christians, Muslims, Jews, white, black, male, female, fat or thin. God is the very spirit that indwells within us… The good guy voice that always tells your heart that we are connected, as humans and as spiritual beings. We are the Light of the universe and it does begin with “ME”… Be the change you want to see. Look at the person next to you… This is your brother, your sister, Your Mother, your Father, your son, your daughter. Look in their eyes… This is the face of God and deserves that much respect. God is here.
God is that LOVE that binds us in humanity, together thru collective consciousness or prayer. So, Be excellent to each other and party on, Dudes!!
Friday, August 21, 2009
Still on My Journey
David said something interesting to me last night. He told me that he has never known anyone who thought about their feelings & analyzed their emotions like I do. This is a new thought. Wow... what if they don't. I guess I made the assumption that everyone analyzes their emotions & feelings. If they don't, then how do they know to release the ones that do not work for them any longer? I analyze every feeling & emotion, so that I know that for one thing, I need to figure out if it is an emotion (which can be decieving) or a feeling, which is my basic intuition. THEN, I have to figure out if it is in fact, MY feeling or someone else's feeling that I am manifesting. If it is someone elses energy that has attached itself to me, I can choose to release it. Before I do that, I have to try to figure out how I manifested that so that I do not repeat or repeat that action/thought, whatever brought that to be.
Thoughts are a completely different thing.... Thoughts can become things...and quickly. There is Instant Demonstrations, where you think it & **POOF** it becomes real. Then there are the desires of your heart that you bring to reality. These thoughts take longer to manifest, but are complete in their own perfection. The perfection that co-creating with the Universe can only deliver. Dancing with God.
So, each thought in itself is analyzed & the good ones I keep & the thoughts that do not serve me, I try to think the desired outcome of that particular scenario & play it out in my head in the affirmative light. I do this because I know that "Thoughts become things". I also know that what you focus your thoughts & energy on will manifest into your reality. These are fact. Universal Laws. Knowing this truth, I do spend a lot of time focusing my energy analyzing my thoughts, because my mind is fairly undisciplined. It is random, so I like to find where the thought originated and retrain my thought process. Doesn't everyone do that? LOL
So, knowing that I have the power of "God" with me as a constant, I like to be mindful of what I am putting out into the Universe, by way of thought. Now action is a completely different thing. Thought sometimes requires action to fully manifest. Then I have to decide which action to take to manifest the desired outcome of the specific thought or train of thought, whichever the case may be... Some things "feel" good to me & some things do not. So then I have to go into analyzing my "feelings"... Is it a feeling or emotion? If it is an emotion, what thought brought it to the surface and is it a positive emotion or a negative emotion? If it is not positive, I know it no longer serves me, so I want to find the origin of that emotion and heal it. Release it. If it is a positive emotion, then I know it is good & I allow myself to embrace it.
Now, feelings... If it is not an emotion causing the feeling, then when did this feeling begin & what were the circumstances around it? If it is a feeling that I can trace back to another person, I release it immediately. If the feeling is genuinely mine, then what is it telling me? It is God talking to me, at that point and it becomes my job to understand what my feeling is saying and act accordingly.
So, this is what gets me from idea to action... Doesn't everyone analyze their thoughts obsessively? HHHmmm.... Maybe this is one of those things that makes me "special".... or crazy... LOVE!!!
Thoughts are a completely different thing.... Thoughts can become things...and quickly. There is Instant Demonstrations, where you think it & **POOF** it becomes real. Then there are the desires of your heart that you bring to reality. These thoughts take longer to manifest, but are complete in their own perfection. The perfection that co-creating with the Universe can only deliver. Dancing with God.
So, each thought in itself is analyzed & the good ones I keep & the thoughts that do not serve me, I try to think the desired outcome of that particular scenario & play it out in my head in the affirmative light. I do this because I know that "Thoughts become things". I also know that what you focus your thoughts & energy on will manifest into your reality. These are fact. Universal Laws. Knowing this truth, I do spend a lot of time focusing my energy analyzing my thoughts, because my mind is fairly undisciplined. It is random, so I like to find where the thought originated and retrain my thought process. Doesn't everyone do that? LOL
So, knowing that I have the power of "God" with me as a constant, I like to be mindful of what I am putting out into the Universe, by way of thought. Now action is a completely different thing. Thought sometimes requires action to fully manifest. Then I have to decide which action to take to manifest the desired outcome of the specific thought or train of thought, whichever the case may be... Some things "feel" good to me & some things do not. So then I have to go into analyzing my "feelings"... Is it a feeling or emotion? If it is an emotion, what thought brought it to the surface and is it a positive emotion or a negative emotion? If it is not positive, I know it no longer serves me, so I want to find the origin of that emotion and heal it. Release it. If it is a positive emotion, then I know it is good & I allow myself to embrace it.
Now, feelings... If it is not an emotion causing the feeling, then when did this feeling begin & what were the circumstances around it? If it is a feeling that I can trace back to another person, I release it immediately. If the feeling is genuinely mine, then what is it telling me? It is God talking to me, at that point and it becomes my job to understand what my feeling is saying and act accordingly.
So, this is what gets me from idea to action... Doesn't everyone analyze their thoughts obsessively? HHHmmm.... Maybe this is one of those things that makes me "special".... or crazy... LOVE!!!
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Seeing IT again for the FIRST time
There was a day in 1991, when I saw exactly what I thought I wanted and I prayed and prayed... and 18 years later, God answered my prayer with a resounding YES!
Some dreams take a moment to manifest, instant karma, while other dreams take years. This is the story of the farm.
When I grew up on our little farm in the ever emerging suburbs of St Charles County in Missouri, I wanted to be "normal" or what I perceived to be normal through my experiences & my mothers expectations. I dreamed of living in a neighborhood with pretty houses, modern conveniences and friendly neighbors. So, I left home and made that happen! After living in a townhouse in St Charles city, I got married & pregnant with Jewlia and finally got my house in the suburbs and man, did I learn quickly how crowded I felt. By that point, the little farm I grew up on had become a subdivision that I could not afford and our little farmhouse home was no longer.
So began my quest for "Home".
I knew then that I needed to get back to a simpler farm life and I began searching for the perfect farm. I actually believed I found it outside of Owensville, Missouri.
It was 1992 and I was in the first trimester of my second pregnancy when I learned of this 400 acre farm for sale complete with a beautiful old 2 story farmhouse, a 3 bedroom ranch, several barns, a horse arena and 200 cattle. It was perfect for us!
I brought my Dad and asked him to invest in this beautiful piece of the world and I prayed & prayed obsessively, for God to give me this farm so that I could feel HOME again. Dad said "no" and I took it, at the time that God said, "no", also. I was heartbroken and from that point on, I began my journey HOME.
First thing I did was sold my suburban home for a country house with 3 acres of nothing in a subdivision in Troy, Missouri. After a year, life changed, I divorced and Jewlia & I moved back to Suburbia to have a normal life and be close to my parents.
The nice thing about our little house on Winterwood was that we lived next door to Laura, who was a bright light in my life, this is the home we brought Max home to AND we felt safe there. I had no reason to feel unsafe. I was just struggling to survive in a world that I did not understand or really belong in.
Then I met Albert and everything changed again. I got pregnant, AJ died, we got married and Al moved us to Hazelwood, to be close to his work. There are so many stories just off of this one sentence. I was emotionally and physically ill for much of the time in Hazelwood, but there are good memories. We made good friends, had many laughs and good family times around the pool... Then there was the dark side to those years of torment; the physical & emotional abuse and alcoholism, which all ended when Albert pulled that trigger.
"Safe" is a word that I am having to re-learn.
I had not felt safe in years and I had forgotten what it felt like.
Before Albert, when I was pregnant with Max in 96, I had the "Dave" dream (experience) and even though Albert said he was my Dave, I knew MY Dave would never, ever hurt me. So, on went my quest for both "Dave" and "Home". Little did I know, in a small, rural Ozark town, both were waiting for me to get here, but I did know to follow Gods voice.
The next 3 years were a crazy mix of emotional joy and emotional devastation. I was a train wreck and I couldn't let anyone see that. I had finally accepted that I would never be, "normal" and no longer wanted to try. I was exhausted and stressed and ill. It was time for IT to happen.
I made a vision board and began working with God to create my life. On my vision board, there was a cabin, a 2 story white house in the mountains, my Divine Twin Flame, Dave (name) and a deposit slip made out for 3.1 million dollars, along with words like peace & love. Then my doctor gave me a prescription that says, "Change your lifestyle", which I hung up next to the vision board. I looked at this vision board every day and began surrendering the "how-to's" to God and made a conscious decision to go with my own instincts... I allowed God to lead the way.
From that point everything happened so fast... We packed up, bought the cafe, complete with mountain cabin and 10 acres of rolling hills.
Enter MY Dave. Every day, for months, Dave came into the cafe' and brought his cheer and love to my life, however, I was not in the market for a boyfriend and especially not another Dave (referencing the 2008, 3 month, "Oops, I'm crazy" "marriage"/divorce), but it happened…. God had finally brought us together and me home.
This morning, sitting on the porch of our beautiful white, 2 story farmhouse, looking at the cattle & dogs, surrounded by the deep love of this farm, next to this man of my dreams, I realized that in 1992, when Dad said no, God didn't say "no"... God simply said, "Wait! I have something better than you can even imagine for you."
God IS good ALL the time... even when we don't notice IT working for us, IT is already ahead of us, preparing the way. With divine gratitude, I say a simple, "Thank You" to the Universe that loves me so much that IT makes all of my dreams come true! LOVE & SAGE!
Some dreams take a moment to manifest, instant karma, while other dreams take years. This is the story of the farm.
When I grew up on our little farm in the ever emerging suburbs of St Charles County in Missouri, I wanted to be "normal" or what I perceived to be normal through my experiences & my mothers expectations. I dreamed of living in a neighborhood with pretty houses, modern conveniences and friendly neighbors. So, I left home and made that happen! After living in a townhouse in St Charles city, I got married & pregnant with Jewlia and finally got my house in the suburbs and man, did I learn quickly how crowded I felt. By that point, the little farm I grew up on had become a subdivision that I could not afford and our little farmhouse home was no longer.
So began my quest for "Home".
I knew then that I needed to get back to a simpler farm life and I began searching for the perfect farm. I actually believed I found it outside of Owensville, Missouri.
It was 1992 and I was in the first trimester of my second pregnancy when I learned of this 400 acre farm for sale complete with a beautiful old 2 story farmhouse, a 3 bedroom ranch, several barns, a horse arena and 200 cattle. It was perfect for us!
I brought my Dad and asked him to invest in this beautiful piece of the world and I prayed & prayed obsessively, for God to give me this farm so that I could feel HOME again. Dad said "no" and I took it, at the time that God said, "no", also. I was heartbroken and from that point on, I began my journey HOME.
First thing I did was sold my suburban home for a country house with 3 acres of nothing in a subdivision in Troy, Missouri. After a year, life changed, I divorced and Jewlia & I moved back to Suburbia to have a normal life and be close to my parents.
The nice thing about our little house on Winterwood was that we lived next door to Laura, who was a bright light in my life, this is the home we brought Max home to AND we felt safe there. I had no reason to feel unsafe. I was just struggling to survive in a world that I did not understand or really belong in.
Then I met Albert and everything changed again. I got pregnant, AJ died, we got married and Al moved us to Hazelwood, to be close to his work. There are so many stories just off of this one sentence. I was emotionally and physically ill for much of the time in Hazelwood, but there are good memories. We made good friends, had many laughs and good family times around the pool... Then there was the dark side to those years of torment; the physical & emotional abuse and alcoholism, which all ended when Albert pulled that trigger.
"Safe" is a word that I am having to re-learn.
I had not felt safe in years and I had forgotten what it felt like.
Before Albert, when I was pregnant with Max in 96, I had the "Dave" dream (experience) and even though Albert said he was my Dave, I knew MY Dave would never, ever hurt me. So, on went my quest for both "Dave" and "Home". Little did I know, in a small, rural Ozark town, both were waiting for me to get here, but I did know to follow Gods voice.
The next 3 years were a crazy mix of emotional joy and emotional devastation. I was a train wreck and I couldn't let anyone see that. I had finally accepted that I would never be, "normal" and no longer wanted to try. I was exhausted and stressed and ill. It was time for IT to happen.
I made a vision board and began working with God to create my life. On my vision board, there was a cabin, a 2 story white house in the mountains, my Divine Twin Flame, Dave (name) and a deposit slip made out for 3.1 million dollars, along with words like peace & love. Then my doctor gave me a prescription that says, "Change your lifestyle", which I hung up next to the vision board. I looked at this vision board every day and began surrendering the "how-to's" to God and made a conscious decision to go with my own instincts... I allowed God to lead the way.
From that point everything happened so fast... We packed up, bought the cafe, complete with mountain cabin and 10 acres of rolling hills.
Enter MY Dave. Every day, for months, Dave came into the cafe' and brought his cheer and love to my life, however, I was not in the market for a boyfriend and especially not another Dave (referencing the 2008, 3 month, "Oops, I'm crazy" "marriage"/divorce), but it happened…. God had finally brought us together and me home.
This morning, sitting on the porch of our beautiful white, 2 story farmhouse, looking at the cattle & dogs, surrounded by the deep love of this farm, next to this man of my dreams, I realized that in 1992, when Dad said no, God didn't say "no"... God simply said, "Wait! I have something better than you can even imagine for you."
God IS good ALL the time... even when we don't notice IT working for us, IT is already ahead of us, preparing the way. With divine gratitude, I say a simple, "Thank You" to the Universe that loves me so much that IT makes all of my dreams come true! LOVE & SAGE!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Bon Jovi Still Rocks!
"Have A Nice Day"
Why, you wanna tell me how to live my life?
Who, are you to tell me if it's black or white?
Mama, can you hear me? Try to understand.
Is innocence the difference between a boy and a man.
My daddy lived the lie, it's just the price that he paid.
Sacrificed his life, just slavin' away.
Ohhh, if there's one thing I hang onto,
That gets me through the night.
I ain't gonna do what I don't want to,
I'm gonna live my life.
Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice,
Standing on the ledge, I show the wind how to fly.
When the world gets in my face,
I say, Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day
Take a look around you; nothing's what it seems
We're living in the broken home of hopes and dreams,
Let me be the first to shake a helping hand.
Anybody brave enough to take a stand,
I've knocked on every door, on every dead end street,
Looking for forgiveness,
what's left to believe?
Ohhh, if there's one thing I hang onto,
That gets me through the night.
I ain't gonna do what I don't want to,
I'm gonna live my life.
Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice,
Standing on the ledge, I show the wind how to fly.
When the world gets in my face,
I say, Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day.
[Guitar Solo]
Ohhh, if there's one thing I hang onto,
That gets me through the night.
I ain't gonna do what I don't want to,
I'm gonna live my life.
Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice,
Standing on the ledge, I show the wind how to fly.
When the world gets in my face,
I say, Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day.
When The world keeps trying, to drag me down,
I've gotta raise my hands, gonna stand my ground.
Well I say, Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day
Have A Nice Day
Why, you wanna tell me how to live my life?
Who, are you to tell me if it's black or white?
Mama, can you hear me? Try to understand.
Is innocence the difference between a boy and a man.
My daddy lived the lie, it's just the price that he paid.
Sacrificed his life, just slavin' away.
Ohhh, if there's one thing I hang onto,
That gets me through the night.
I ain't gonna do what I don't want to,
I'm gonna live my life.
Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice,
Standing on the ledge, I show the wind how to fly.
When the world gets in my face,
I say, Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day
Take a look around you; nothing's what it seems
We're living in the broken home of hopes and dreams,
Let me be the first to shake a helping hand.
Anybody brave enough to take a stand,
I've knocked on every door, on every dead end street,
Looking for forgiveness,
what's left to believe?
Ohhh, if there's one thing I hang onto,
That gets me through the night.
I ain't gonna do what I don't want to,
I'm gonna live my life.
Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice,
Standing on the ledge, I show the wind how to fly.
When the world gets in my face,
I say, Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day.
[Guitar Solo]
Ohhh, if there's one thing I hang onto,
That gets me through the night.
I ain't gonna do what I don't want to,
I'm gonna live my life.
Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice,
Standing on the ledge, I show the wind how to fly.
When the world gets in my face,
I say, Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day.
When The world keeps trying, to drag me down,
I've gotta raise my hands, gonna stand my ground.
Well I say, Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day
Have A Nice Day
Friday, April 10, 2009
Blogging by Candlelight...
There is so much mind chatter for 3 am, so I think I'll pick a topic & blog...
HHHmmm.. Let's randomly pick a topic.... How about a quote I got in my inbox just now...
HHHmmm.. Let's randomly pick a topic.... How about a quote I got in my inbox just now...
You cannot worry about someone and love them at the same time. Most people mistake the emotion of worry for the emotion of love. They think that worrying about somebody means that you love them. -Abraham/Hicks
This brings to mind, Jewlia/Julia... My beautiful, precious little girl... She's still a little pink bundle of joy at almost 19. It's hard for me to imagine that I watched this kid grow up from a helpless infant to a strong, independent, free thinking, amazing, brilliant young woman that she is. Hard to believe, considering I still feel 17. I was 23 when God, myself & Dr. Odem created Jewlia from a frozen spermcicle into this little spunky redhead! I always knew, from the time I was a kid, that I would have Jewlia. I spent my whole childhood playing house with her and Mommy to her in my soul. Creating her from my heart.. It's like we have always been together.
I feel tears start to well up, just this moment... Tears of pride and love for this spirit of light that has brought me so much happiness in my life. The part of me that I needed so much to express. Having Jewlia was kind of a selfish thing, really... I needed someone to love me and Jewlia does. There is never any doubt in my mind that she & I are bound through eternity. Soul mates we are. I have always seen it something like that, but when she said it, it resonated. It made sense... Finally, something in my life made sense. The funny thing about Motherhood, is that is what what I was supposed to do. It had been my lifes work to raise her & Max. Now that we are at this place in our relationship that is new & unfamiliar to both of us, I wonder what next? How do I "let go" of her and allow her to become the brilliant young person she is growing into? I think in so many ways, her independence has made my job easier. When Jewlia's around, she's the boss. She is a "Take Charge", "On the Ball" kind of gal. She has got brass balls and a heart of gold. She acts like a mini-ME & yes, that does concern me. I mean, really... she looks like me, but healthier and prettier. The first time I saw Jewlia laying in bed, smoking a cigarette, watching Y & R, I thought, "There's a picture"... "Cats in the Cradle"...
"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree"... All I can say is I hope she learns from my experiences and doesn't have to go through all of the craziness I have gone through. Oh... too late... she has already experienced all of the crazy I have been through. So, in order for there to be "Peace in my family", which is always my prayer, I have to allow her to find her own path. How that includes me, I have no idea. But, it's not about me, is it? It's about Jewlia.
Being my kid has been, let's say, unconventional. I tried the "normal" mom thing and I believe we both outgrew it. I was almost convinced that we were "normal" for awhile... However, I have always known that we were here for greatness. That we are here as Spiritual Beings to bring peace & harmony to the earth and humanity. We are lightworkers. 21st Century angels, here to bring joy & harmony to the planet. I know this truth for myself as well as Jewlia & Max. There is a divine purpose to every life and ours is no exception. We are here to learn & grow, teach & demonstrate peace. We are here to inpire and to feel inspired. Jewlia inspires me every day.
Now, here comes the tricky part... Allowing Jewlia to be free to feel & create her own experiences. This is a big task, feeling larger than "let go & let God". Then again... nothing is larger than God (however you concieve this power). So, standing back & allowing Jewlia to be is like the hardest thing I have to do. I know in the human experience, she is struggling right now. She is feeling instable in the world with due cause. The human stuff can be big & scary, especially when you're a wide eyed kid. There is sooo much out there... a whole world of experiences and things can change on a dime. Life is so fluid and you are creating as you go... It's learning how to harness that power; that energy, and keeping yourself positive in a world that can feel negative. It's about doing what feels right to you and good and helping your fellow travelers.
Oh but that's not all... There is the whole happiness thing. More than anything, I want Jewlia to be happy again. She doesn't remember so much being happy. I remember happy Jewlia. It was before I put her into the public education system, where they taught her "normal" and about peer pressure and social issues. So, let's get back to the task at hand, Jewlia being happy. I see Jewlia in this light of happiness. She is confident and secure in her footing. She is strong and passionate, light and funny. She got an amazing human body to live in and she sees the world thru her own eyes. She has been my masterpiece and now she is becoming her own.
What the future holds for any of us can be anyones guess. What I do know is that when you create your life thru your blessings & gratitude, your life your dreams, your goals come together. The key is to stay in the light, but know that even when you are in darkness, the light is always there. Sometimes it's a matter of opening your eys to the light, but it shines thru the blackest of moments. You remember 9/11 and all of the love energy that followed it? Every time something "terrible" happens, the spirit of man shines thru into every aspect oof the "problem", you simply have to open your heart to it. Trust in the Divine process, whatever that is. Know, with confidence that we need some "bad" for contrast to recognize & appreciate our good. We must know what good feels like to demoonstrate more of it. I can not vreate happiness for either Jewlia or Max, or anyone else for that matter, just likfe I can not create unhappiness for them or anyone. It is Jewlias experience and I have to allow her to feel her own feelings and create her own experiences and all I can do at this point is help her where I can and cheer her on from the sidelines. I do not have a magic wand to make the human experience easier, but I do know the secret. I understand the "law of attraction" and how to create happiness for myself and I also understand that I can only use it on myself. I have to allow Jewlia to wake up to hers. Actually, she is waking up to hers with or without me allowing. All I can do for ehr at this point is pray and serve. Give her all of the love and compassion I can and know that she is surrounded by angels and they are far more powerful than the zombies who try to invade her bubble. Since I know this, I will give no energy to the zombies, as they only have the power that we give them. I am giving my love energy to Jewlia, knowing that she is protected by her angle guides (in many dimensions, including ours) and I trust with complete faith and certaintly that Jewlia is exactly where she is supposed to be on her journey and that she is being guided by the divine power of light & love.
Jewlia is a part of me, however, Jewlia is a part of consciousness too and she realizes this on some level. The trick is to hold consciousness of truth for her and not to worry or have negative/controlling/worried energy around her. I accept her path, however that unfolds as only adding to her grater good, while reminding her of the 3 "A''s...
Alive
Awake
Aware
Jewlia is just coming alive and awake and aware. I support this and know that only love can touch Jewlia. Anything outside of love is simply an illusion of the truth. I will continue forever to hold Jewlia in her light & truth, knowing that whtever she does, will only bring her joy & happiness and that she is equipped with an intuitive nature and enough of everything she needs to be peaceful and happy. I live in gratitude for this healthy, beautiful woman that has shared this journey with me, knowing that she is divinely guided and protected. Jewlia is safe in the universe and nothing can penetrate her bubble of light. With that, I release my words into law, knowing that as I let go and let it be... It is already done. And so it is....
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